Guardians of the Galaxy Review (Adoption Movie Review)

Can the Guardians of the Galaxy defeat a supremely powerful entity? An orb contains a power too great to be safely harnessed. It is desired by Thanos, a supremely evil being, who wishes to increase his power. It is also desired by others, who wish to sell it for profit. An unlikely team comes together to protect the universe from the power of those who would destroy it. A thief named Starlord, bounty hunters named Rocket and Groot, a strongman named Drax the Destroyer, and an assassin named Gamora learn to trust each other in spite of initial conflicts. Together, they will try to grow from self-seeking loners into heroic friends. While they’re at it, they might just save the world. Or even the galaxy.

(some spoilers ahead throughout.)

 

How Does This Connect to Adoption and Foster Care?

The film directly mentions adoption once. One of the characters is introduced as the adopted daughter of a villain. Later, she renounces him; “He’s not my father.” She explains that he murdered her parents, tortured her and bent her to his will.

(Minor spoiler in the paragraph ahead)

I see a lot of relevance in the film’s opening scene.  A young boy named Peter is in the hospital. His mother is lying in her hospital bed, apparently bald from cancer. She is on the verge of death. She asks Peter to hold her hand; he turns away, unable to reach out to her. Immediately, she dies, calling for the hand that he never gave her. Peter, grief and guilt-stricken, screams. It is too late. He runs away from his grandfather and collapses outside. There, a spaceship abducts him. 26 years later, we learn that Peter has become a loner, intergalactic thief. This sequence reminded me powerfully of a child’s introduction to foster care. A child coming into foster care because of abuse shares much with Peter. They both observe or experience a traumatic situation, for which they feels justifiable grief and undeserved guilt. Immediately afterwards, they are picked up by strangers and taken to unfamiliar surroundings. All this happens even before the opening credits. It’s pretty intense. We spend the rest of the film seeing how Peter’s character has developed.  Peter draws considerable strength from the memory of his mother.

We are left looking forward to Peter meeting his long-lost father.

Strong Points

Peter has experienced hardship, but inside he still has a heart of gold.

The Guardians of the Galaxy are a diverse group who have become friends through shared experiences. They acknowledge, together, that they have lost many important things, but have hope that they can still make a difference in the lives of others.

The movie has heavy doses of comic relief – I enjoyed this film more – and had more fun watching it – than any other I’ve seen this year, and this was the most appreciative audience I’ve been a part of.

Grout is a tree. In one scene, he grows his body around his friends, to demonstrate his sense of unity with them. It’s very touching.

The Guardians of the Galaxy grow into believable heroes who are willing to do the right thing, even when it is supremely difficult.

Weak Points

One character honestly and hatefully describes her adoptive father as a murderer torturer. The alien who abducted Peter seems to present himself as a father figure over Peter, but attempts to manipulate Peter by reminding him that Peter is online alive because of him. Later, that character threatens to kill Peter. Peter yells at him, “You abducted me, and stole me from my home and family.” The character had been hired to bring Peter to his father, but changed his mind and absconded with Peter.  

Young kids may be scared by some of the violence in the film. One character gouges another’s face, though the gore is just off-camera. Another character murders a man by hitting him in the head with a sledgehammer – again, the violence is just off-camera, but we do see the victim’s blood. One character recounts that his wife and daughter were murdered while their murderer laughed. A woman disintegrates. A woman is disfigured by a shot from a bazooka. A character is told that others wanted to eat him. One character holds a knife to another’s throat. Many characters are tazed. Larger animals eat smaller ones.

Revenge is a strong motivator for both heroes and villains.

Recommendations

Guardians of the Galaxy is an excellent film for most audience members age 14 and up, but it will probably also appeal to kids as young as 5 (it’s a superhero movie with a raccoon as a lead character) – but it’s too violent and, at times, too sad for me to recommend it for young viewers. The opening scenes depicting Peter’s loss of his mother may also be very difficult, and perhaps triggering, for viewers who have lost their mothers through death or foster care. However, there’s a lot of positive potential in the fact that, in spite of his losses, Peter has become a very heroic man who is loyal to his friends and to the world in general.

I enjoyed this film quite a lot. It’s well-made, fast-paced, deeply plotted, and very funny. I do recommend that parents scope it out before sending their kids. With that caveat, I think it should be a good fit for most teens and adults, but not for many kids younger than 13 or 14.  

Questions for Discussion

How can enemies become friends?

How can pain from our past become a source of strength for today?

What is the difference between “I am Groot” and “We are Groot?”

Love Child Adoption Movie Review

The South Korean-American documentary Love Child debuts tonight on HBO. The film covers the 2010 death in South Korea of three-month old infant Sarang. Sarang’s parents were addicted to an online game, and played it for many hours each night at an internet parlor. On the night of Sarang’s death, her parents left her unattended for many hours.

How Does This Connect to Adoption and Foster Care?

The film doesn’t cover adoption or foster care, but it makes me raise a question, perhaps because of my role as a supervisor in foster care and adoption. Sarang’s parents were found guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Their punishment was lessened because the court viewed their crime as a result of their addiction. Sarang’s parents are pregnant again. They have promised not to play any online games.

How much involvement should child protective services have in the early life of this new child? I can certainly see the value of monitoring this family to ensure that this new baby’s life does not become endangered. What do you think? Should the government stay away, because the family has expressed remorse and a desire to change? Should the child’s early life be monitored? Should the child preemptively be placed in alternative care? How do the rights of parents interact with the need of a child for dependable safety, and whose job is it to evaluate safety in a situation like this?

Strong Points

The film tries to present a balanced view of Sarang’s parents. They were negligent, but also remorseful; they made poor choices, but did face real challenges. There is value in viewing someone roundly rather than passing judgment on their character based on one observation, even when that observation is very powerful.

Challenges

A photograph of Sarang’s corpse could be traumatizing to some viewers, as could some of the details of the neglect she experienced.

Sarang’s parents were addicted to an internet game called Prius. The plot of the game comes through the documentary, to some extent, and it is also troubling. Players are granted a child to raise. Later, their child chooses to die to save the player. Then, the player raises the child from the dead, but this causes long-lasting grief in the world.

Weak Points

The film touches on online addiction, but doesn’t go particularly deep into anything.

Recommendations

Love Child might be worth seeing in order to wrestle with some of the questions I ask earlier in this review, but it might be traumatic or saddening viewing for some. The film is best suited to adults instead of kids and teenagers because of some of the subject matter, and it’s not particularly entertaining or educational.

When to See It

Love Child airs on HBO at 9:00 tonight, on July 31 at 11:15 am and 6:00 pm, August 3 at 4:00 om, August 5 at 1:15 pm, and August 16 at 8:30 am. 

Feeling Faces Tachometer

An Adoption at the Movies reader who blogs at Parents of Color Seek Newborn to Adopt recently created an emotional tachometer for kids, inspired by a review of Planes: Fire and Rescue. She has lots of great pictures of the craft-in-progress, too. With her kind permission, here is a re-post of her post. Happy crafting!

I read a review of Planes Fire and Rescue at Adoption at the Movies and it gave me the inspiration to create a feeling faces tachometer. If you want to know why please read the review on Adoption at the Movies. If you’d like to view the amazing feeling faces tach, please forge ahead!

These are the materials I used. They are all things that I found around the house. #UpCycle

Materials:

• Print out of feeling faces tach that I made in Fireworks
• Cardboard from baby mittens wrapping
• Old business card
• Scissors
• Bronze fastener
• Elmer’s spray glue

Cut out the tach and glue it to your piece of scrap cardboard.

Cut out the tach.

Color a long stripe on the business card. You’ll use this for the arrow.

Cut the red stripe off. Cut the two top corners off the top. Viola! An arrow!

It would have been great if I would have though to bring my hole-punch earlier.

Place your arrow where you’d like it on the tach and punch a hole.

My tach is happy that this project is complete!

Here is the feeling faces tachometer that I made on my computer in case you’d like to make your own.

A Girl Like Her Adoption Movie Review

Ann Fessler’s documentary, A Girl Like Her, revisits America in the 50’s and 60’s to explore the experience of single women who became pregnant then. Fessler blends the women’s own stories in their own words with 50’s- and 60’s-era sex education videos. The documentary is uncomfortable to watch. The sex education videos blatantly assign full responsibility for physicality in relationships to women; the women interviewed express that their parents reacted very poorly when they learned of their daughters’ pregnancies. One father called his daughter a whore. One mother “treated it like her own personal tragedy.” One family moved “so no one would know.” One religious leader told a mother that her baby would be “stuck in purgatory” unless she allowed an adoption. Some were forced to choose between relinquishing their baby or being ostracized from their family of origin. Their words are powerful. One explained, “I didn’t give him away. He was taken. He was never meant to be a gift.” Another related, “I felt like I had no choice.” One says, “No matter how many children you have, this emptiness is still there. Trauma attaches itself to you in a way that’s hard to undo.” Some women reported a sense of shame that followed them their whole life; one never even told her husband about the child she had earlier in life. One woman said, “You never get over this.” Fessler’s documentary captures the cruelty that was experienced by many pregnant women in this era, and the pain they experienced. It’s not easy to watch.

 It’s also difficult to see reflections of the approaches that adoption agencies utilized. One clip shares that “only children in good health are offered [for adoption so that they bring] happiness, not burden.” Another professional explains a desire to reserve “brighter children for [mentally] superior families.”

I think it is worth seeing, for prospective adoptive parents, though. There seems to be a widely-held misconception that adoptions have historically been closed and secretive. Some people pursuing adoption do so with a sense of entitlement to a child with no attachment to his or her birthfamily. This film is helpful because it shows where these expectations may have come from.

If you’ve spent time on adoption blogs, you’ve probably read the words of some people who have been hurt by adoption and who are generally quite strongly opposed to it.  Watching A Girl Like Her might be a safe way to understand where they’re coming from.

The film focuses on coercion, pain and loss. There aren’t really any happy stories. It’s not balanced within itself. But it can be part of a balanced film-based education for people pursuing adoption.

Recommendation

This is worth seeing if you’re considering adoption. Please especially think about seeing it if you’ve never considered an open adoption. It’s best-aimed at adults. It will be especially painful (but possibly affirming) viewing for parents who have relinquished children.

Questions for Discussion

What do you imagine about the parents of the child you will adopt (or have already adopted?)

What’s the difference between “finding a family for a child” and “finding a child for a family?”

What’s the difference between confidentiality and secrecy?

Find more about the film at its website, agirllikeher.com

Recommended Reading

12 Things You Can Do to Make Sure Your Adoption is Ethical

Philomena Adoption Movie Review

Juno Adoption Movie Review

Have Adoptions in America Traditionally been Open or Closed?

Planes Fire and Rescue - Movie Review (Adoption Movie Review)

Cropduster-turned-pro racer Dusty Crophopper has a problem. His gear box is failing, which means that he will not be able to race professionally. His elderly friend, Mayday, has a problem too – he is no longer capable of maintaining safety at the local airport; the airport will be shut down unless Mayday can find an assistant firefighter – and in the hot season, that is no easy task. Dusty courageously agrees to become Mayday’s assistant, and so he sets off to a distant national park for training. While there, Dusty finds new friends as well as Blade Ranger, a potential role model for Dusty who has transitioned from an acting career into a long career as a rescue helicopter.  Dusty isn’t too good of a student, and his attempts at heroism put Blade in danger – however, through bravery, Dusty becomes a certified fire and rescue helicopter – this allows him to return home to help Mayday reopen the airport. Will Dusty also be able to return to pro racing? Well, it is a Disney movie…

 How Does This Connect to Adoption or Foster Care

Kids in foster care (or maybe, kids in general…) sometimes have difficulty regulating their emotions. Dusty has to be aware of his internal stress (OK, it’s torque… he’s a plane – but for this analogy to work, I’ve gotta stretch it a little). Dusty has a meter to indicate his level of stress, and a warning light that will go off to warn him when he is reaching a point of stress that would be harmful. This could be a helpful analogy and tool for kids – what’s your meter at? Is your warning light going off?

Positive Points

Dusty is a loyal friend. He also is able to deal with deep disappointment and to transition his attention and effort into other goals.

Dusty also highlights the importance of communication. Blade Ranger doesn’t understand why Dusty holds back his efforts until Dusty tells him that he’s having mechanical problems. Then, Blade softens his approach, encourages Dusty, and ultimately gets him the help he needs.

The film makes palatable the fact that even heroes have heroes – and heroes aren’t always the people who are celebrated by the general public.

Dusty is encouraged to be persistent; one character advises him, “Life doesn’t always go the way you expect, but if you give up, think of all [the good you won’t accomplish] tomorrow.” The character who gives 

Dusty that advice has lived it out – he lost a friend in a crash, and committed his life to doing good. Also, the film shows that you can heal from disappointment and loss.

Challenges

The film will probably only appeal to younger viewers, and the scenes of fire are intense enough to be frightening to some. There are some jokes geared towards adults that young viewers won’t get, but might ask about.

Weak Point

One character seems to be Native American, but portrayal uses dated stereotypes for laughs; it’s a little disappointing.

Recommendation

There’s actually quite a lot of positive stuff to take from Planes: Fire and Rescue. I really like the concept of a “torque” meter, and I’ll suggest an activity based on that in a minute. The movie doesn’t have too much of a story, and it feels like it could have fit into 40 minutes rather than the 70 it actually takes, but little kids probably won’t mind. It probably is best suited to kids 8 and under.

Questions

When have you been disappointed so badly that you wanted to quit? What did you do?

What would have happened if Dusty quit training to be a rescue plane? Why did he keep trying? What finally happened?

Activity for After the Film

Why not make a “torque” meter for each kid (and adult?) in your family. Try a paper plate with a construction paper arrow, fastened by something that’ll let the arrow spin around freely. What an interesting way to enter into conversations about emotions and energy levels, and to facilitate self-awareness among your kids.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Adoption Movie Guide

Ten years ago, a virus nearly wiped out the human population of Earth. Apes survived, and developed their own civilization with signed and spoken language. The foundational beliefs of the ape society are that apes are family, and that apes do not kill other apes. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is the sequel to Rise of the Planet of the Apes, which is itself a reboot of the original Planet of the Apes series. In this film, Caesar leads a community of apes who come into contact with the human survivors who are trying to rebuild their society. Many of the apes distrust humans because of the abuse perpetrated upon the apes by human scientists in years past – some of the apes have scars from the experiments to which they were subjected. Many of the humans distrust or devalue the apes, focusing instead on their own need for survival and referring to the apes as “animals.” Yet Caesar is conflicted – he has seen the violence humans have done, but has also been raised by kind humans. Some humans- chief among them an architect named Malcolm - also value and respect Caesar. Will Caesar and Malcolm be able to overcome the conflicted past relations between human and ape, or will growing tension on both sides lead to war?

How does This Connect to Adoption?

Caesar was raised by humans, and is now in a prominent position in the community of apes. Similar themes of cross-cultural families interacting with the conflict between their shared cultures appear in films like The Jungle Book and, more recently, Belle. Adoptees may relate to the feelings of having divided or confused loyalties, and to the feelings of pressure to choose one culture over the other, rather than being allowed to embrace both cultures (see Superman: The Movie and Man of Steel). In Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, Caesar’s cross-cultural experience is a strength which allows him to serve as a bridge between two cultures.

Strengths

The film seems to caution against acting violently on our fears. This reminds me of the conflict between mutants and non-mutants in the X-Men series. Caesar tells one ape, “if we go to war, we could lose home, family, and future.”

Challenges

There are some scenes that could surprise and be difficult for some viewers.

Caesar’s wife gives birth, but her health is threatened. She ultimately survives, but some viewers might find it difficult to see a mother’s heath in peril.

One ape is shot during a tender family moment. One ape unexpectedly kills a young ape for disobedience. Children and teens who have experienced domestic violence might find these scenes particularly disturbing and surprising.

Recommendations

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes is a visually striking and heavily plotted film. It kept me interested. There is a considerable amount of gunplay and violence in the film, but it is not gruesome or graphic. Young children might find the film frightening, but it should be entertaining for tweens and teens, so long as the two scenes of unexpected violence are not problematic for them.

Questions for Discussion

One character says, “Scars make you strong.” What do you think? How can the pain we’ve experienced become a strength in our life?   (For more on this theme, see X-3: The Last Stand).

How do you decide who to trust?

Do you identify with more than one culture? Do you see them as being blended or as being in conflict? 

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In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee Adoption Movie Review

Deann Borshay Liem’s first documentary captured her journey to Korea to revisit her orphanage and find her birthfamily. Ten years later, she produced the documentary In The Matter of Cha Jung Hee. In my review of First Person Plural, I mentioned that Liem had been secretly substituted for another girl, who two Americans had been sponsoring and ultimately sought to adopt. In this documentary, Liem tries to find the woman for whom she was substituted.

 Along the way, she reveals powerful struggles of identity. She wonders whether she has “lived as an imposter,” and notes “her birthdates are on my documents.”

Her search isn’t encouraged by her former orphanage. A director advises her, “It’s wise to forget about unfortunate past.” However, she continues her search and is able to meet the social worker who facilitated the substitution. The worker expresses sorrow that it is still haunting Liem. Liem does capture the outrageousness of an agency “finalized an adoption of a girl who wasn’t even there.”

The documentary raises questions about the ethics of different adoption practices. Drawing from her own story, she wonders “how many others had hidden histories?” (See 12 Things You Can Do to Make Sure Your Adoption is Ethical). It’s incredible, but Liem is able to find her original adoption records.

As in her previous documentary, Liem is balanced and insightful. She recognizes that her mother’s decision to “give me up fit into a lifelong struggle to survive.” She captures an uncomfortable impression of adoption, “there’s a randomness to our fate.” She notes a difficulty in reunifying from international adoption, “We have become tourists in our own land.” Of her particular situation, she struggles to resolve her legitimacy as the child of her adoptive parents, “Since there was deception, did I have the right to accept their love?” She hopes to gain from this journey a glimpse of “what my life might have been like and to see that I am connected to Korean women.” She eventually is able to meet the woman for whom she was substituted as a child. She is absolved from her worries of taking another’s place when the original Cha Jung Hee tells her, “I had a happy life in Korea; don’t feel bad about me.” It’s a pretty powerful illustration of the freedom that can come from knowing the truth about one’s own history.

Recommendation

Adult adoptees, adoptive parents and siblings, and prospective adopters could benefit from In The Matter of Cha Jung Hee and it’s prequel, First Person Plural. Both films are balanced, insightful, challenging and even uplifting. Although children probably wouldn’t be interested in the documentaries, teenagers might find meaning in Liem’s quest for identity and might be inspired and encouraged to start their own quest for knowledge of their own history. These films might be a good way to invite family discussions along those ends.

Questions for Discussion

What do you know about your birthfamily? What do you wish you knew?

How can we as a family journey together to learn about and embrace your history?

Suggested Reading & Viewing

Adoption Movie Review of Closure

Adoption Movie Review of First Person Plural

Adoption Movie Review of The Invisible Red Thread

Interview with Bryan and Angela Tucker of Closure

Interview with Vivian Lam of The Invisible Red Thread

Earth to Echo Foster Care & Adoption Movie Review

Tuck, Munch, and Alex are junior-high friends who have big plans for their last night together. Their neighborhood is about to be evacuated for the construction of a bypass. The loss of their neighborhood is significant to each boy, because each of them feels somewhat displaced. Tuck is overshadowed by his older brother and has also moved to Nevada from New York. Munch doesn’t make friends very easily. Alex is a foster kid, who Tuck says “has been moved all over.” All three of them are about to be moved away from their homes, and away from each other. Recently, their cell phones have been acting strange, displaying unusual designs. The boys decode the designs as a map, and decide to spend their last night together trying to discover what is causing the phones to act strange. They follow the map into the desert, and one character admits that they are scared. While exploring, they see a faint light and discover Echo, a scared, tiny alien who just wants to go home.

How’s This Relevant to Foster Care and Adoption?

Alex is a foster kid. He’s been moved around from home to home. He fears abandonment – and even gets into a fight with Tuck when Tuck abandons him – and is also brave, loyal, and good.  A true sadness of foster care shows up when Alex is getting ready to move. Tuck enters his room and remarks that his room “looks how it looked before you packed – all of your stuff fits in one box.” He then asks Alex jokingly but insensitively, “What are you, a drifter?”

The impending loss shakes Tuck; he explains, “You feel like your own person with your own friends, and then something like this comes along and you have no power to stop it because you’re just a kid.” Kids who have been in foster care may relate to a feeling of being disempowered.

Alex is a positive movie portrayal of a kid in foster care.

Echo is lost and wants to get home. The boys also christen Echo with his name; they aren’t sure what his original name is.

Strengths

Alex is a great example of a positive character in foster care. He has strength and weaknesses, and the experiences he has had in foster care both give him vulnerabilities and newfound strengths. Alex is not portrayed as helpless or as heroic. He is a good kid who happens to be in foster care. He fears abandonment because of what he has experienced, but he is loyal, brave, forgiving, and dependable. Alex is also the first of the boys to reach out and connect with Echo. The joy on Alex’s face when he realizes that Echo is trusting him and communicating with him is priceless. Alex teaches Echo how to use slow breathing breathing to self-soothe himself while he’s scared. Alex also refuses to leave Echo behind when Echo is in danger of being caught; he explains, “I know how it feels to be left. I’m not leaving him. I know how it feels. We’re all he’s got.” At one point, the boys are faced with a decision – to take a huge risk and allow Echo to return home, or to play it safe. Alex is the first one to move towards sending Echo home. As Echo prepares to leave, Alex tells him, “I don’t really know how to say goodbye, so I’m not going to. I’m your friend. Even when you think I’ve forgotten.”

Echo is cute, scared, and dependent. All three boys are very nurturing towards him.

Challenges

One character is insensitive to Alex. He jokingly asks, “Why do your foster parents need you if they already have a baby? One cries, one listens to Indy Rock.” Alex deflects the joke and laughingly tells his friend to shut up. This scene might hurt some viewers’ feelings, but Alex’s response is a positive one. The same character leaves Alex behind while running from a security guard. Later, he tells Alex, “You’re always freaking out if someone’s gonna leave you behind.” Alex fights the boy. They later make up.

One boy fears for his life, and makes a tearful video farewell to his friends. Although he survives, the scene might be too powerful for some viewers who have had painful experiences of loss or peril. Echo is placed on a dissection table.

Juvenile boys make some inappropriate jokes in real life, and in film. One boy jokes about sleeping in the bed of another boy’s mother.
The boys do enter a home without the owner’s permission.

Weak Points

Parents in this film are not shown as sources of strength; the boys lie to them, deceive them, and never get caught. The only adults that the boys have regular interaction with are villains. The adults intend to prevent Echo from returning home because he is “too valuable.”

Recommendation

Tuck expresses the film’s message right before the end credits – that kids can do anything; that they’re not powerless. But what I see as an even more pronounced message is that foster kids, while having real issues, challenges, losses and sadness, can be the bravest, most loyal, most forgiving, and most dependable of their peers, and they can turn their experiences outward into kindness to help others in similar situations. There are some sad and scary moments in this film, and so it should be pre-screened by parents of kids under 7, or parents of kids who have unresolved grief about loss or peril. However, this is a very positive film – especially, I think, positive for kids in foster care. I give it a high recommendation for foster families with kids between the ages of 8-14.

 

Questions for Discussion

Which of the kids – Tuck, Alex, Munch, or Emma – do you like the best? Why?

Why was each boy sad to be moving from their community?

Why did Tuck and Alex fight?

What in your life do you wish you could change? What would be the first thing you would do to make it happen?

Do you think Alex, Tuck, and Munch will stay friends even though they’ve moved apart?

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First Person Plural Adoption Movie Review

Deann Borshay was adopted into the United States from Korea in 1966. First Person Plural is the first of two documentaries she has created to share the unique aspects of her story. Borshay was living at an orphanage in Korea. She was adopted by two Americans who had been sponsoring a different girl at the orphanage. When that girl returned to her family, the orphanage substituted Borshay. Orphanage staff told her to assume the other girl’s name and to keep her own identity a secret. The orphanage director advised her, “Don’t tell [your adoptive parents] who you really are until you’re old enough to take care of yourself.” Many adopted individuals might relate to Borshay’s statement, “I feel like I’ve been several people in one life.” She notes that she’s had three names and three identities.

Borshay eventually told her parents, “I’m not [who you think.] I think I have a mother and siblings in Korea.” Her family dismissed her confession as childhood confusion and dreams. Later, they did support her (with some reservations) as she uncovered truth about her past and her birth family.

First Person Plural provides good insight into Borshay’s feelings and those of her family. She interviews her parents on camera, and they explore why they hadn’t talked more openly earlier in life. Borshay’s mother explains, “non-communication is a two-way street.”

Borshay and her parents eventually return to Korea to seek out Borshay’s history. Even in Korea, they struggle to embrace a holistic concept of their daughter’s identity (her mother says that she “can’t equate” Korea with her daughter) but the most important thing is that they go with her to Korea – they embrace her enough to join her in her quest for identity. It’s not important to them personally except for that it’s important to her, and that seems to be good enough. Check out my review of Closure for another full-family reunification trip.

Borshay and her adoptive parents eventually meet her mother. She learns the story of how she came to live at the orphanage. Her family celebrates her return. Her mother affirms the value of Borshay’s adoptive parents. She also acknowledges the ongoing pain she feels at having relinquished Borshay. The film introduces the mixed emotions felt by each person involved in the adoption; Birthfamily members grieve her loss and are proud of the opportunities she has had. Borshay appreciates the life she has, but feels a sense of rejection that she was the only family member sent away. Borshay also has to craft a way to develop a new relationship with her Korean mother. She also finds that meeting her birthmother has helped her feel closer to her adoptive mother.

If anything, this film is balanced. It shows how the same adoption brought hope and grief, happiness and sadness to the same people. It’s worth seeing for adoptive and prospective adoptive parents.

Questions for Discussion

How many identities do you feel like you have? What do you think your kids would say?

Is it possible to have more than one “real” mother?

What will you do to help your child create a holistic sense of their own identity?

If non-communication is a two-way street, what will you do to make sure that it doesn’t happen?