Saturday, December 29, 2012

Being Content in All Circumstances: Social Worky Post


I’d been married for about two years. I had been on the road to becoming a social worker for four years, and the year before I had finished my internship at a feeding program. I had spent the last year taking graduate classes, working at the Roberts Wesleyan College library, and volunteering at a local youth center. It was May, my classes had ended, and it was time to do my graduate internship. Before classes had started, I elected to do a full-time summer internship instead of a year-long, part-time one. At the time Roberts offered a summer MSW internship in Costa Rica. I was the only student who went. My wife came, too, and we shared a two-bedroom apartment with a young Costa Rican couple who knew a Roberts professor. They were warm, caring, and kind and included us in their extended family. I still keep in touch with them on Facebook.



I lived in a suburb of the capital, and worked at a drug rehab for teens in the country; to get there, I walked ten minutes to catch a bus to the capital, rode for a half-hour, got off next to a cemetery, walked another half mile to catch a bus to the country, rode for another half-hour, got off, walked maybe another mile or so uphill, hoped that the gate to the facility was open, and finally walked onsite and checked in. I enjoyed the walk, the weather, and the family I lived with; I even enjoyed the people I worked with on site. I remember walking from our home to an internet café to keep in touch with family in the States, playing card games (Dutch Blitz) with my Costa Rican family, and proving to everyone that I can even burn rice and beans.

The circumstances of my life there were pretty good, although we were far from anyone we knew. This was harder on my wife than it was for me. But the internship itself proved difficult. During the internship, I learned how to be comfortable in uncomfortable circumstances, and eventually was able to see how God’s hand probably guided me.

My role was mostly observational and relationship-building. If you read my post on my first internship, you saw that it was also unconventional. There were two immediate challenges with my internship, though. One – I didn’t speak much Spanish – I did spend two weeks at a language academy before my internship, but it didn’t bring me up to fluency. Two – I didn’t really know much about drug addiction and recovery. As I started to acclimate to my site, I made connections with the adults in recovery who volunteered at the site as well as with the teenage boys who were our main clients. And then, about five weeks in, the internship basically closed down and decided to no longer serve teenagers. All the boys were sent elsewhere, the staff were all fired, and my supervisor stopped returning phone calls.

So, here I was, living without income in a foreign country, where I don’t speak the language, working at a facility focusing in an area I don’t really know, with no clients. So, the professor at Roberts helped me figure out a way to salvage the situation. I researched different theories about recovery, read articles on successful aspects of programs, reviewed the charts of the agency and noticed trends: In spite of a high turnover rate, kids who made it through the first couple weeks were likely to stick around. So I did research in hopes of finding ways that the site could encourage clients to buy into the program more quickly, so that they would make it over the three-week barrier. The site intended to transition to adult clients, but I hoped that my research would still be relevant.

My self-assigned “final project” for the internship was a report synthesizing the agency’s statistics with my research and providing recommendations for increasing retention. And then I translated it into Spanish. I’m not sure if anyone ever read it, but I can at least say that, in 13 weeks, I wrote a research paper on a topic new to me, in a language new to me.

I didn’t leave Costa Rica with enough hours to graduate, so I had to find a bachelor’s-level position, and my first few weeks there counted towards the completion of my degree.  It would have easy to write off my internship as a failure; or maybe to say, “well, at least I stuck with it until the end.” But here’s where I think see God’s hand in it.

When we came back to the States, we moved to Southern California for my wife’s grad school. I spent the first two months actively applying for social work jobs. The first job is always the hardest to get. Most places didn’t call back, and the first two interviews I had didn’t result in a job. Finally, though, I got hired.  And wouldn’t you believe it – the place that hired me was a residential drug rehab center for teenagers, most of whom spoke Spanish.  The language, the subject matter, the age group, and even the chaos of a group home all settled in to place because of the internship I’d had.

I wrote recently on another blog that I don’t think God designs all of the situations we go through, but instead finds ways to redeem them. Not sure what you’re going through right now, but I hope this window into my crazy grad school summer is helpful.

You might also enjoy these other social-worky posts:


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Photos from Flickr Creative Commons
* Costa Rica photo by tostie14; Dutch Blitz photo by Steakpinball
                

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Adoption Movie Guide: The Santa Clause


Today, I’ve posted on the Fuller Theological Seminary site, Reel Spirituality, about The Santa Clause. It’s a fun movie, for sure, but it also comes close to being a cinematized version of the fantasy of a neglected child. Please hop over to Reel Spirituality to check it out and comment.






You might also enjoy:

Adoption Movie Review of Elf



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Sunday, December 23, 2012

Adoption Movie Guide: Elf

Happy Holidays! Join me in examining what a seasonal favorite has to say about adoption!Let's head to the North Pole and visit Elf.






A baby was accidentally abducted from an orphanage, and as far as we know, no one there seemed to notice. Fortunately, the bag he crawled into belonged to Santa Claus. Instead of returning the baby to the orphanage, Santa gives him to “Papa Elf.” The baby is given the name “Buddy” because of the brand of diaper he was wearing when he was found. As an adult, Buddy overhears that he is not an elf. Papa Elf tells him about his birth history. Buddy sets off to New York City to find his unsuspecting birth father, Walter. His welcome is not a warm one.
 
How is This Relevant to Adoption? 
Buddy is (more or less) adopted. He was raised at the North Pole by Papa Elf, but feels as though he does not fit in. He learns of his adoption, and then sets off to New York City with fantastic dreams of how he will spend his days with Walter. However, Walter denies him, dislikes him and sends him away.  Ultimately, though, Buddy reconciles with Walter, marries a human woman, and still visits with Papa Elf from time to time.


Thursday, December 20, 2012

Adoption Movie Guide: Life of Pi


Pi’s family leaves India by boat for Canada. Their boat does not make it, and Pi is the lone human survivor. Some animals who were on board survive as well, but most die. This story shows Pi and a tiger named Richard Parker learning to co-exist on the open seas, although that might not really be what happened.





How is This Relevant to Adoption? (spoilers ahead)
Some of the feelings that Pi feels are relevant to many adoptees. Before his boat journey, Pi feels connected to many cultures. His family disapproves of this. For Pi, many of the cultures to which he feels connected are religious. For adoptees, the connections might be to religions, activities, languages, or a number of other aspects. As an adult, Pi appears to have crafted a satisfying blend of many cultures to call his own.

When Pi’s family tells him that they must leave India, Pi expresses his displeasure at the idea. He wants to stay where he is. For children who entered foster care after toddlerhood, this might be very poignant.

Pi feels very alone at times. He mourns the loss of his parents. He feels unsafe. All of these feelings may be familiar to children who have navigated the foster care system or other avenues to adoption. Like many children in the foster care system, when he is the most alone, Pi looks to God for strength.

Pi is forced to do some things that go very much against his self-image, in order to survive. Some children have had similar experiences.


Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Adoption Movie Review: The Hobbit


A Hobbit named Bilbo enjoys his peaceful existence. Then a visitor from his past invites him on an unexpected adventure that will direct the course of his life. 




And How is This Relevant to Adoption or Foster Care?

Bilbo’s adventure is more or less thrust upon him. Both good and bad come of it. While he does ultimately have the final choice of whether or not to join the adventure, the sudden and “unexpected” nature of the journey may mirror the suddenness with which some children find themselves in foster care. While they ultimately have the choice to accept what’s happened or not, the happenings are often quite unexpected and uninvited.

Bilbo overhears Thorin, one of the adventurers, complaining that Bilbo does not belong. This resonates with Bilbo, who initially chooses to leave the party. Children being raised in foster care or in adoptive families may feel that they do not belong. Sadly, they may also overhear (or even be told) the same. 


Friday, December 14, 2012

Adoption Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Benjamin Button was born very small, but showing many signs of old age. As he ages in reverse, his life frequently intertwines with that of Daisy. They have a daughter together. After living 85 years or so, Benjamin dies in her arms as an infant.




The Adoption Connection
Benjamin Button has several opportunities to be a valuable adoption movie, but it doesn't make the best of them. Benjamin’s father, Thomas, abandons Benjamin on the steps of an elder care facility. Queenie, a caretaker there, raises Benjamin as her son. Thomas later meets and pursues a relationship with Benjamin, but Benjamin only learns that Thomas is his father after much time has passed.

Benjamin has a daughter but fears that he will be unable to care for her because of his impending youth. He leaves before she is a year old. Mirroring his father’s actions, Benjamin seeks out his daughter years later. He meets her briefly, but does not reveal that he is her father. Benjamin’s daughter only learns the truth much later; Benjamin has died and Daisy has his diary. On her deathbed, Daisy asks her daughter to read from the diary; while reading from the diary, the daughter learns that Benjamin was her father.



Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Adoptions in American History: Open or Closed?



Pop Quiz!

Have adoptions historically been open or closed?

I’ll give you a few minutes to come up with your answer. While you’re doing that, let me outline what I mean by “open” and “closed.” Openness in adoption covers a scope of situations, from regular contact between an adoptee, their birth parents, and their adoptive parents; to infrequent contact; to letters; to phone calls. Openness also involves the free, honest sharing of information between parties in an adoption. This means that ethnicities, medical history, facts about siblings, and the information on the adoptee’s original birth certificate are, in an open adoption, shared with the adoptee.

So – did you come up with an answer yet?

I’ve been training audiences of prospective foster and adoptive parents for several years, and I’ve asked this question to hundreds of people. Some people opt not to answer. Most believe that adoptions have historically been closed. But adoptions have historically been open.

Not what you expected?

Adoption has not always been under the scope of public law, and accordingly has been somewhat informal, but it’s historically been quite open. If a child was being raised by a person other than their biological parent, folks usually knew. The child knew. The public knew. Sometimes, a parent-child relationship was established, and other times the relationship remained something other than parent-child, but still nurturing and based on meeting the child’s needs. But the knowledge of the situation was common. Everyone in Avonlea knew that Matthew and Marilla Cuthbert were caring for, but not the biological parents, of Anne. And that was the norm for as far back as anyone can look.

This wasn’t without problems. Anne of Green Gables relates the uncertainty that the Cuthberts’ neighbors felt at their choice to care for an orphan. The neighbors felt certain that orphans were somehow less safe, not as good as, and less natural than a child born to a family. And so, Anne entered the town with judgments already made against her.

Anne is fictional, but the judgments were quite prominent in real life, as well. Many times, children who were available for adoption were born to unmarried women. Many people in those days assumed that this fact was relevant to the character of the child. They called these children “illegitimate” – and it seems that they expected no good of them. Think about the word “illegitimate” for a second. If I say that a monarch is “illegitimate,” I’m saying that he got where he is through unorthodox means, and because of how he got there, he has no right to be there. That’s the same thing people were saying about these kids. And because the information was publicly available, anyone could go to their local hall of records, inquire into a child, and use what they found as an explanation for why the child isn’t (or won’t be) any good.

Minnesota was the first State to change this. In 1917, Minnesota enacted a law which kept adoption records confidential from the public. There was no intention to keep the adoption records confidential from the parties in the adoption. The law made it so that a nosy neighbor couldn’t poke into a child’s record, but did not prevent a child or the adoptive or birth parents of the child from accessing the record.

The confidentiality was intended to protect the children from undue scrutiny, but benefits were also found by adoptive and birth parents. Adoptive parents could hide the fact that their family was formed through adoption, perhaps denying or hiding the infertility or difficult family circumstances which brought about the adoption. Birth parents – especially birth mothers – could be protected from public judgment for having a child out of wedlock.

And so confidentiality morphed into secrecy. While confidentiality says “this is my story, and I can share it with whom I choose,” secrecy says, “this is my shame. I can’t share it with anyone.” And that’s what happened to adoption records. By the end of World War 2, adoption records were largely sealed. Adoption was secret. A nosy neighbor would still be denied access to an adoptee’s birth certificate. And the adoptee would also be denied access. No contact, no information. And that’s what most people think has been the historical norm. But really, it only came into prominence in the 1950’s, and was only briefly unchallenged.

In the 1970’s, Florence Fisher founded the Adoptee Liberty Movement Association, which held that adoptees have the right to their own story. The ALMA fought for adoptees to have access to their original birth certificates, and coined the term “birth parent” to give a name to those people whose identities were locked away and inaccessible, while still acknowledging that the adoptive parents are also “real” parents.

The fight continues. In some states, adoptees have access to their birth records. Openness can happen naturally. In other states, the records are sealed. Adoptees in the wrong states might not know where they were born, whether they have siblings, or even what their name was at birth. Perhaps the records stay sealed because there is a prevailing thought that “things have always been this way.”

But it’s just not true.



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Interested in more posts like this? You might enjoy:

Open vs. Closed Adoption - an introduction for prospective adoptive parents

What I Learned in Intro to Psychology: Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs in Foster Care

A Girl's Escape From Foster Care: Perfect Monday Moment November 2012

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Adoption Movie Review: Twilight


Bella has recently moved to live with her father. Her childhood friend Jacob greets her, and several boys at her high school are interested in her, but she only has eyes for Edward. Although Edward is a vampire and desperately wants to kill her and drink her blood, he has decided that he loves her and wants her to stay alive. This does not perturb her.  Edward’s family mostly welcomes her in. Other vampires try to kill her, but Edward’s family keeps her safe and kills the vampire leading the hunt for Bella.



The Adoption Connection
I don’t recommend this as an adoption-friendly movie, but this film is famous enough that many teenagers and kids have seen it, or will see it. The adoption connection is about as shallow as Edward and Bella’s love story: Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are the pseudo-adoptive parents of Edward. Dr. Cullen saved Edward’s life about 100 years ago by turning him into a vampire. Edward was frozen at 17 years of age, and considers the Cullens his parents “for all intents and purposes.”
One high school student comments that the Cullens are foster parents to four other teens, who are in dating relationships with each other. They describe Dr. Cullen as a “foster parent slash matchmaker” and one expresses a wish that Dr. Cullen would adopt her.  The other teens that live with the Cullens are also vampires.


Friday, December 7, 2012

Adoption Movie Review: Superman 2




At the beginning of the first Superman movie, three rebels were cast off from the planet Krypton. They are sentenced to eternal imprisonment, but swear vengeance on Superman’s father and his next of kin. In this movie they escape, come to Earth, take over the world and try to extract vengeance on Superman.  As remnants of Krypton, they are toxic to Superman. In the meantime, Superman falls in love with Lois Lane, who is finally figuring out that Clark Kent and Superman might just be the same person.




The Adoption Connection
The adoption connection in this movie is very minimal, but still tangible if you watch it right after the first movie. In my last review, I wondered why Superman’s birth mother did not seem to actively participate in the plan for his safety. In this movie, she does. According to Wikipedia, this came about because of politics between actors (or basically, a rift with Marlon Brando), but it still does provide an element of Superman’s story that was lacking in the last movie.

Strong Points
è Superman’s mother was relatively silent during the planning for his safety in the first movie. In this movie, we see her love for her son. 


Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Adoption Kids' Book Review: Happy Adoption Day


Poetic input requested!

Folk singer and storyteller John McCutcheon started writing songs for children, as well, in the 1980’s. His 1993 album Family Garden included a song about adoption; and that song was released in illustrated book form in 1997. The resulting book, Happy Adoption Day, is a colorfully illustrated book. The song lyrics provide the text of the book and celebrate the anniversary of a child’s adoption. Music is included to allow families to sing along.





The book tries to send a positive message: we, your parents, are happy that we adopted you and we celebrate your inclusion in the family. It lends itself to commemorating the anniversary of a child’s adoption. I can imagine it being most helpful to families where the child was adopted when old enough to remember the adoption. I’d recommend it specifically to families with kids up to age 9 who were adopted from foster care after age 3 or 4.

I have two concerns to raise; the first isn’t as serious as the second. First, the book universally portrays the adoptive family as happy. It’s important for adoptive parents to embrace all aspects of a child’s emotions – but I’m not so concerned about that, because it’s a bit unrealistic to expect any one children’s book to have a full, well-rounded exploration of adoption.  Try doing that in 100 words! It’s not that easy!

My second concern is more serious. The chorus of the song refers to the child’s previous life as “a world so tattered and torn.” Because it is the chorus, the child would sing or hear it three times, each time the song is sung. When juxtaposed with the universally happy portrayal of the child’s adoptive family, this could encourage the child to view the adoptive parents as “saviors” and may create a sense of shame as the child reflects on the circumstances of life prior to adoption.

Celebrating a child’s inclusion in your family is important – especially for children who have bounced around from foster home to foster home. If they’ve felt unwanted – or been told that they’re not wanted (by foster parents or whoever) – this song serves to refute that message. But I’d suggest that clever parent-readers of the book find a way to change the “out of a world so tattered and torn you came to us on that wonderful morn” line to something less negative. Maybe, “sometimes we’re fresh, and sometimes we’re worn, but you came to us on that wonderful morn…”  Any poetically inclined readers have ideas to share?

Happy reading!


Want more reviews of adoption kids' books? Check out:



Adoption Review of We Belong Together




Adoption Review of Mother for Choco
Open Adoption Blogs