Divergent Adoption Movie Review

In a dystopian, futuristic Chicago, people are assigned to work and community based upon their own assessment of their personality characteristics. Once a person chooses their faction, they’re there for life.  No changes are permitted, and loyalty to faction takes precedence over loyalty to blood. There are five approved factions; one (Abnegation) serves the poor and is entrusted with governing, another (Erudite) is particularly intelligent and invested in technology; others focus on courage (Dauntless), honesty (Candor), and peacefulness (Amity). There is strong societal distrust for individuals who do not neatly conform to one faction. Political tension is also rising; not everyone is happy to live under the governance of the service-to-the-poor faction, and a rebellion is rising. At the same time, Tris, a teenager who was raised in an Abnegation-faction family, chooses to leave her family and join another faction. How will she respond when the most important question becomes “loyalty to faction or loyalty to blood?”

*** Spoilers the rest of the way ***

How is This Relevant to Adoption? 

Tris is forced to choose between staying with her family or joining a new one, and her choice is expected to be permanent. Her loyalty is supposed to shift, and her decision to leave is irrevocable. After she leaves her faction-of-birth, she is only able to speak with her mother covertly, and only on very rare occasions. Her new family forbids her to talk of her old one. Some kids who have been adopted might resonate with Tris’ forced, artificially-created dichotomy: You can have one family or the other, but not both.  In this film, the government that created the forced separation eventually is shown to be villainous.

A community motto is shared at the ceremony where teenagers choose their factions: The future belongs  to those who know where they belong. That statement seems like it could be challenging to folks, touched by adoption, who are struggling with identity issues. It also implies that “belonging” is necessarily exclusive to one group of people. Folks who are not able to be accepted by their new family become outcasts, and have no future prospects. Again, the film ultimately questions this mindset.

Strong Points

The film challenges the forced separation. Tris shows loyalty to her old family and to members of her new one.

Tris stays true to her unique identity, which reflects both of her families (OK, one is a faction instead of a family, but still…)

The film acknowledges, in a roundabout way, that having a complex identity is part of human nature. Tris finds great help when she realizes that she is not the only one with such a complex identity.

Challenges

Tris confides in a friend, “My mom and dad died today.” Her friend’s response is, “They loved you. For them there was no better way to show you.” I can see kids responding to this in different ways. They could see this final separation as an act of love, or they could see it as their own fault – after all, the parents made this sacrifice for you. I could also see this scene tying in with kids’ and teens’ feelings about being relinquished for adoption – was it a sacrifice made on my behalf, or is it something that I’m guilty of causing?

One of Tris’ last statements in the film is powerful, and might resonate differently with different viewers, “I have nothing, and I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Weak Points

There are several scenes which could be very traumatic for young viewers, and especially for kids who have experienced abuse or separation from their parents. Both of Tris’ parents are shot to death, and both of their corpses are shown on screen. Tris is forced to shoot and kill a friend.  Tris’ boy friend holds a gun to her forehead while he is in a mentally-altered state.

 

Teenagers are forced to fight each other until unconsciousness. Boys brutalize girls. One character throws a knife at Tris, drawing blood. Later, Tris impales someone’s hand with a knife.

Tris is encouraged to keep her complex identity a secret. She’ll be killed if people know.

One of Tris’ friends tries to murder her. He fails. Later he is very ashamed. He asks for forgiveness from Tris. She refuses, and he kills himself.

Some scenes happen in hallucinations, but are still portrayed on-screen and could be triggering to some viewers. A character is forced to practice shooting innocent people at point-blank range (he is sensitive, and can only do it if he looks away as he pulls the trigger.) One character has been abused by his father. The father approaches  him, intending to strike him with various objects. One of Tris’ best friends tries to rape her. Tris is ordered to murder her family.

The government eventually attempts a genocide of Tris’ culture of origin. Many people are shot.

Recommendation

There’s enough violence in Divergent to make it a poor choice for kids. The story itself is very interesting, and I value that it challenges the forced dichotomy of “one family, but not two.” The message is a good one, and it invites some very good conversations. Some of the scenes I’ve mentioned could be very triggering for some teenagers. If parents and teens believe that the scenes won’t be triggering, this might be a good film for viewers 13 and up. For what it’s worth, I liked this better than the most recent Hunger Games film; there seems to be more food for thought. I’m very sensitive to violence in films, and the level of violence is similar between the two films, but Hunger Games bothered me more; perhaps because Hunger Games had a lot of hand-to-hand, deadly, weapon-based violence, and the hand to hand violence in Divergent isn’t fatal. There is a lot of gun violence in Divergent, though, and that might be more troubling than hand-to-hand violence for some viewers.

 

Questions for Discussion after the movie

Is it OK to have a complex identity based in multiple families and cultures? How do we navigate that in a society that really seems to like categorizing people? Is it getting easier or harder to have a custom-built identity?

What good drives and traits do you have? What if you were forbidden from expressing them?

Do you feel as though you are separated from part of your identity (or part of your family) by others’ expectations?

Which faction do you think Tris should have chosen? Which would you have chosen?

Want to know when more movie reviews are posted? Like Adoption At The Movies on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter.   

Mr. Peabody & Sherman Adoption Movie Review

Seven-year-old boy Sherman lives with his father, a small dog named Mr. Peabody. Sherman was adopted as an infant after Peabody found him, abandoned in a box. Peabody has worked hard to prepare Sherman for school, even using a time machine to allow Sherman to experience the past first-hand. Sherman fits in with the unpopular kids at school. Penny, one of the popular girls, upset when Sherman corrects her in class, sets out to humiliate Sherman by calling him a dog; after all… Mr. Peabody is his father. She tries to demean Sherman in front of their classmates. When Sherman retaliates violently, a social worker responds. She expresses her intention to have Sherman removed from Mr. Peabody’s home. Peabody must  figure out a way to make peace with the girl and her parents before the social worker completes her investigation. Along the way Sherman and Penny have a time-travelling adventure which brings them close to many historical figures and closer to each other.

How is This Relevant to Adoption? 

There’s lots of adoption relevance here. Peabody fought in court for the right to adopt Sherman. Peabody explains that he did this because he had never had a family, and wanted to provide one to Sherman. Adoption themes fuel the conflict and plot.

Strong Points

Mr. Peabody is an example of someone who ages out of a group home and manages to succeed in the world, anyway. Then, he remembers his own experiences and tries to help someone in a similar situation.

Peabody is a good father in many ways. He always considers Sherman’s best interest, and promises that he will always be there for Sherman.

Sherman and Peabody have a positive relationship. Although it goes through challenges, it is strengthened by the end of the film.

Challenges

It might be hard for some viewers to watch a scene where, as a young pup, Mr. Peabody tries to be adopted. When a child decides not to take him, Peabody pleas, basically, “adopt me. I’ll do whatever you want.” He still isn’t adopted. Some of the scenes are similar to scenes in Meet the Robinsons.

Peabody struggles with verbally expressing his affection for Sherman. he does not let Sherman call him “dad,” and returns Sherman’s “I love you” with something like, “I have a strong regard for you as well.” Peabody also struggles with letting Sherman grow into some independence (see Pacific Rim).

Sherman gets blamed and nearly suffers significant consequences for bullying started by Penny, centered around Sherman’s identity as a cross-cultural (well, cross-species) adoptee. Penny never actually apologizes, but does eventually express her solidarity with Sherman and Peabody.

Sherman relates being a dog to the positive behavioral aspects he sees in Mr. Peabody. It’s good for kids adopted cross culturally to find common ground with their parents, but this oversimplification does miss certain elements of what it means to be a dog. It works for a kids’ movie about cross-cultural adoption, but might need to be unpacked some more after the movie.

Weak Points

There seems to be a bit of blame allowed to be on kids. When Peabody is not adopted, it’s because he is sarcastic. Later, Sherman says that Mr. Peabody’s only mistake was adopting him. Neither statement is corrected.

The social worker in the film, Ms. Grunion, is awful. She is cruel, quick-tempered, vindictive, and prejudiced.  The plot is largely driven by her desire to take Sherman from Mr. Peabody, permanently. The situation is never resolved - it just kind of goes away.

Sherman was found, abandoned in a box. There is no exploration of his back history.

Sherman briefly believes he has seen his father decapitated by a guillotine.

 

The phrase, “It’s an adoptive relationship” is used for somewhat humorous effect to explain the differences between Sherman and Peabody. One character responds with what feels a bit like an unintentionally condescending “awww.”

At one point, Peabody tells Sherman, “You’re not a dog. Just a very bad boy.” He never corrects this.

Recommendation

My recommendation is mixed on this one. It’s an entertaining film, Peabody is a good dad, and he and Sherman do grow closer. They seem to have a good father-son relationship. At the same time, there appears to be lots of potential trigger material (the plot of the movie is – partially - that a social worker wants to end the father-son relationship.) You might want to see it yourself, first, to see whether you think it's a good fit for your own kids. Then be prepared to talk about it with your kids right after the film, if you do choose to bring them.

 

Questions for Discussion after the movie

So… Is Sherman a dog?

How can you help your kids prepare for and respond to mean things that other kids might say?

What makes someone a good parent? A good son/daughter?

HBO Documentary: Paycheck to Paycheck Adoption Movie Review

HBO’s documentary, Paycheck to Paycheck: The Life and Times of Katrina Gilbert, debuts this Monday. According to the film, Katrina is one of 13 million mothers of young children living in or near poverty. Katrina is a twenty-something mother of three children. She recently separated from her husband because of his addiction to pain killers. She is the sole breadwinner for her family, and works as a Certified Nursing Assistant for just under $9.50 an hour. Even with government support – food stamps and reduced-cost daycare, Katrina finds it hard to make ends meet; thankfully, her landlord accepts monthly payments. Katrina is motivated to improve her situation; she tries to find companionship, and also tries to enroll herself into college, but struggles accessing financial aid. Katrina has a lot of courage, but faces intimidating obstacles.

How is This Relevant to Foster Care? 

Many kids who enter foster care are removed from single-parent homes. Also, many kids who enter foster care come from low-income families. Katrina works very diligently to keep her family functioning, and she succeeds. What strikes me in this film, though, is how little room for error she has. She is often only a few days of missed work away from failing to make her rent, she has limited or no resources for emergencies, minimal time to rest, and frequent involvement with government contractors (daycare providers, etc.). When kids are taken into foster care on charges of neglect – I wonder how many times neglect has actually occurred, and how many times a family like Katrina’s has simply been unable to come close enough to societal norms to avoid being noticed by the child protective services system.

Admittedly, this might not be a fair question. Child protective services departments are able to offer family preservation services, and in theory (hopefully in practice), this avoids removing children from their homes. Once the system is involved, though, the margin of error can become very small.

Strong Points

This documentary portrays Katrina as a young, responsible woman facing challenges with a mixture of hope and discouragement. It normalizes and humanizes an experience of life which might be unfamiliar to some folks considering foster care.

Recommendation

Paycheck to Paycheck isn’t a movie about foster care. It doesn’t even get mentioned. But – if you’re reading this review, you’ve probably got some interest in foster care, and I think this documentary would be worth seeing. It’s a good choice for current or prospective foster parents, who might be helped by understanding the challenges faced by single, low-income parents.

Questions for Discussion after the movie

What were the circumstances surrounding how your children came to be in foster care, or placed for adoption?  What is the backstory of those circumstances?

Want to know when more movie reviews are posted? Like Adoption At The Movies on Facebook or Follow Us on Twitter.  

Philomena Adoption Movie Guide

Philomena was recently nominated for Best Picture in the 2014 Academy Awards. The film is based on the true story of Philomena Lee. As a teenager in Ireland, Philomena became pregnant. Her father sent her to live at a convent. There, Philomena had limited access to her son. Eventually, her son was adopted, without her consent. Shortly afterwards, Philomena left the convent. She married and had children, and always kept the existence of her first son a secret. On the fiftieth anniversary of her first son’s birth, though, she told her daughter about her son. Encouraged by her daughter, Philomena speaks to a journalist, Martin Sixsmith. Together, Philomena and Martin travel the world in search of Philomena’s son.

The Adoption Connection

Philomena’s circumstances probably are not uncommon. Her son was adopted against her true desires. Her efforts to find him were hindered. The film captures the closedness and secrecy that some mistakenly believe is the historical norm for adoption, and it also shows the loss and shame caused by such secrecy.

Spoilers Ahead the rest of the way…

Positive Elements

Philomena has kept her son in her heart all her life. She wonders whether he ever thought of her – and she eventually learns that he has; although when she learns this it is bittersweet.

Philomena affirms that she did not abandon her son.

Challenges

One of the nuns in the convent is particularly judgmental and cruel to Philomena. In one of the film’s strongest moments, Philomena forgives her. Martin asks, “just like that?” Philomena’s response is incredible: “No, not just like that. It’s hard for me. But I don’t want to hate people.”

Philomena’s reaction when her son is taken away from the convent is heartbreaking. It is important for adoptive parents, foster parents, and adoptees to grasp the love that their birth family has for them. In this scene, the love is expressed in grief, which could be painful to see – for birth family members, adoptive family members, and adoptees alike. Painful – but not necessarily bad.

 

Adoption is referred to as “selling babies.” Some people do view adoption in this way, but it could be confusing or challenging for young adoptees to hear it referred to this way in the film; it is left unchallenged.

Philomena explains why she kept her son a secret – she believed that she had committed a sin by having sex as a teenager, and didn’t want people to know. Shame and secrecy feed each other.

The circumstances surrounding the adoption of Philomena’s son are very unethical, and she was treated cruelly. Many adoptions are not marked by coerciveness, and young viewers of this film may need help understanding that.

Negative Elements

Martin initially only helps Philomena for his own gain. The convent also mistreated Philomena.

Recommendations

Philomena seems most likely to appeal to – and be beneficial to – adults. However, with some parental guidance, this could also be a powerful and insightful film for teens, maybe starting around age 14.

Questions for Discussion

If you relinquished a child to adoption, what would you like them to know about you? What would you like to say to them?

If you are considering adoption – will you pursue an open or a closed adoption?

If you are in a closed adoption – what stops you from opening it?

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Adoption Movie Guide

Walter Mitty works in the photography department of LIFE Magazine. He hasn’t had much adventure in his life, but lives vicariously through his imagination. While lost in his imagination, he often “zones out” on the real world, and seems to alienate others. He is a dependable employee, though, and has been particularly valued by famed photojournalist Sean O’Connell. As LIFE Magazine prepares to release their final issue, Walter realizes that he cannot find the picture that was intended for the issue’s cover. He takes an unlikely, impromptu worldwide journey to find the photograph and along the way, finds that is able to have adventures in the real world that are greater than anything he could have imagined.

The Adoption Connection

Perhaps I’m influenced by some documentaries I’ve recently viewed. Walter Mitty is traveling the world with minimal clues looking for a hard-to-find person who has information Walter believes is vital. I think there’s an admittedly loose parallel between Walter Mitty’s search for Sean O’Connell and the searches of adoptees for their birth family or birth histories depicted in Somewhere Between, The Invisible Red Thread, and Closure. It’s not so obvious that it will jump out at many viewers, but it’s present enough to start a conversation, and it might create an unexpected emotional connection with some viewers.

One boy’s parents have separated, and it seems likely that his mother has found her next husband. We are able to see the development of a potential father-son relationship, and it does get off to a positive start.

 

Positive Elements

Fantasy can provide a safe escape for folks dealing with trauma (Walter’s father had died), but it can also stop someone from responding to reality. Eventually, moving from fantasy into reality can provide for more healing and growth.

One character mentions the value of enjoying a moment, rather than trying to capture it.

Challenges

Walter is more or less bullied by his supervisors at work. His ultimate victory over them comes in deciding that they don’t matter to him.

Recommendations

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty isn’t inappropriate for kids, but it isn’t aimed at them, either. Kids might be bored by this one. I loved it; although the adoption applications are minimal, it’s one of the films that I’ve enjoyed the most from an entertainment/artistic perspective.  I’d recommend it for a date night.

Questions for Discussion

What stops you from doing the things you imagine? 

Does your imagining stop you from living the life you have now? 

Can you have both imagination and an enjoyment of your present life?

Six Oscar-Nominated Films on Adoption at the Movies

The Oscars are tonight! If you haven't checked out the 2014 Adoption at the Movies Awards - take a look!

Several of the films up for an award tonight have been featured on Adoption at the Movies. Also - Philomena is nominated for best picture - it's a challenging, heavy film, but very relevant to adoption. I'll review it here soon.

Here are this year's Oscar-Nominated films that have also been reviewed on Adoption at the Movies. Click on the title to read the review:

Best Animated Feature
 


The Croods

Despicable Me 2  (Also nominated for best original song.)

Frozen   (Also nominated for best original song.)



Best Costume Design

The Great Gatsby (Also nominated for best production design)


Best Visual Effects

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Also nominated for Best Sound Mixing and Best Sound Editing)

Star Trek Into Darkness

Good luck to all!
How many of these have you seen? Which were your favorites?


Come back Tuesday for more Adoption Movie Reviews