About two months ago, Deanna Doss Shrodes posted about the ways that adoption themes in media can seem intrusive. I found her post powerful. She was kind enough to grant permission for it to be reposted here.
Adoption Screams At Me
Does it scream at you too? If you aren't an adoptee,
probably not.
It calls to me from all directions, becoming a painful
cacophony in my soul at times.
Adoption -- the teddy bear, rainbow and unicorn version --
clamors for my attention the way it seems to adore doing.
Communicating at me instead of with me.
The only place adoption usually communicates with me is when
I'm surrounded by other adoptees, and a very rare handful of relationships of
understanding . Otherwise, it communicates at me, and expects me to line up.
And when I don't line up, it can sometimes become the most
ugly, nastiest beast I've ever encountered.
In those moments, I long to escape. Pushed to the edge of an
emotional cliff, I want to leap off and disappear, away from all the people
wearing rose colored glasses and holding cups of kool-aid.
Why do so many TV shows and movies have adoption themes
woven therein?
It could be a sitcom, or reality show, or anything
really.
|
flickr.com / stevendepolo |
On the first night of our recent family vacation to the
Berkshires, my family wanted to get movies and settle in for a night by the
fire. I said, "
Great! I'm all in. But no adoption themes, please. No
orphans. No babies out of wedlock. No birthmothers relinquishing and crying. No
heroic AP's flying in on their magic carpets to save the day. None of that. Pick something else."
"No problem," they said. And they scampered off to
choose two movies and came back convinced they had done just as they agreed to.
We settled in with hot chocolate by the fire, underneath
blankets, snuggled up to each other. Popped in the DVD. The first movie began
to play and imagine my shock when a horrific relinquishment scene was played
out in front of my eyes. My family didn't bat an eye. They were numb,
desensitized to the entire thing, even though a mother was transferring her
baby to the arms of a stranger, while she sobbed and screamed, holding her arms
toward the adoptive mother who walked away with her baby as a friend held her
back.
It took everything in me to keep sitting on the sofa but I
did.
Just like I always do.
Praise the Lord and pass the hot chocolate.
|
flickr.com / renee_mcgurk |
On the heels of movie number one, movie number two went in
the DVD player and imagine my shock when in the first five minutes of the
movie, there came a train full of orphans. Again, my family did not even notice.
It did not even register on their radar. They just sat there happily watching
the movie as if nothing odd has just occurred.
I wanted to get up, and go sink down into a warm bubble bath
in silence.
But I didn't.
I stayed there because I love my family. And I want to be
with them.
And no matter how much I explain it, I'm really not
sure they will never grasp the reality
of what this is like for me.
I'm starting to think maybe it's an unfair expectation for
me to expect them to understand it.
It means so much to them that I watch movies with them.
And,with the way adoption themes seem to weave into every show and movie these
days to some degree, we may have little options otherwise.
If I got up and left every time they would probably just
think I was overreacting.
As an adoptee, I don't see movies, nor the world with the
same eyes. I've tried to explain that I
even struggle with animated movies. It seems most Disney movies have a theme of
abandonment, adoption or significant loss somewhere in there.
Movies and TV are just the tip of the iceberg...
This week I visited two blogs that have been among my
favorite for years. Neither has anything to do with adoption -- at all. Not
even remotely close. But (drumroll please) it appears both blogs are shifting
to a new direction as the writers feel the call to "redeem a child through
the gift of adoption."
[sigh]
If I hear someone say redeem and adoption in the same
sentence again I may need to be Baker Acted.
I've wanted to go to a popular leadership conference for
pastors and staff members for a few years now. It's huge, attracting many
thousands. I've just never planned my schedule to attend yet. So a few weeks
ago, speaking of that particular conference, a minister-friend says to me,
"Hey, you're involved in writing about adoption...did you know this
conference is largely focused on adoption now? They really push it."
"Uhhh...no..." I said, my heart sinking. "I
wasn't aware of that. Why would a leadership conference for pastors and
Christian leaders be focused on adoption let alone 'pushing' it?" He
informed me that amongst their teachings on leadership, they are addressing two
areas: human trafficking and adoption.
(I agree that both are similar, though
not in the way most people think.) The friend went on to explain that the
pastors who lead this conference are trying to stamp out human trafficking as
well as encourage all Christians to adopt, following Jesus' command.
Hmmmm that was puzzling to me as I don't remember Jesus
commanding us to adopt.
Yesterday was Valentines Day and friends who are neither
adopted nor AP'S tweeted about their chosen way of celebrating the holiday this
year:
What are you doing for Valentines Day? Celebrate #adoption
with me and so many others as we #spreadthelove.
I'm celebrating #adoption on Valentines Day! Join me! Link
up your adoption story as we #spreadthelove!
Lord, we pray for families in the process of #adoption, for
physical, spiritual and emotional provision.#spreadthelove
Today I'm praying for #orphans around the world, that they
would find loving forever families. #spreadthelove
[double sigh]
Although I believe those in the orphan care movement mean
well, many have no idea about this.
The world seems to have an absolute love affair with all
things relinquishment and adoption.
It makes me want to move to a little cottage somewhere out
in the middle of the forest.
I will still need wifi to stay in touch with my adoptee
friends.
Deanna is an adult adoptee, a wife, a mother, and a pastor. Check out her site at www.adopteerestoration.com