Adoption Movie Guide: White Oleander

Astrid is taken into foster care when her mother is arrested for murder. Over the subsequent years, Astrid moves through the system, living in three different foster homes and making two stops at the same group home. As she journeys through different placements, she “tries on” different identities. She finally finds identity – and a sense of belonging – with a friend she meets along the way. Astrid ages out of the foster care system; she adjusts to independence while also trying to make sense of her life’s path.

How is This Relevant to Foster Care and Adoption? 

Astrid never knew her father, and she was unexpectedly forced into foster care. Although she initially anticipated being reunified with her mother, her case plan was changed fairly quickly to adoption. Throughout the film, Astrid goes through many of the experiences that foster kids do; she’s surprised to see a social worker at her door, and tearfully, quickly packs her bags. She spends time in a group home, lives with a range of families, visits her mother in prison, considers adoption, and ultimately ages out.

Strong Points

Astrid is very real. She alters her identity to seek connection with others, but also develops a tough shell to protect herself. Astrid meets good people who have been broken by life, and in spite of how their brokenness impacts her, Astrid stays strong and is able to move into adulthood. She is able to view her mother comprehensively. She distances herself from her mother’s harmful beliefs, and acknowledges that her mother’s behaviors are dangerous, but also acknowledges that her mother loves her and demonstrates some positive traits that she inherits form her mother. This is an important skill for foster kids, especially those who’ve been abused – acknowledging both the strengths and weaknesses, the virtues and the vices of those you love, who have hurt you.

Astrid’s true history has been hidden from her. Astrid coerces her mother into telling her the truth. Astrid’s mother eventually makes a difficult decision to grant Astrid independence, at great cost to herself. Astrid is able to admit that her mother loves her.

Astrid uses art to process her journey. She creates a suitcase collage to represent each of her homes. It’s a powerful idea.

Challenges

There are plenty of realistic but troubling relationships in the film. Astrid’s mother is in jail for killing her boyfriend. She tries to control Astrid by speaking ill of each of Astrid’s foster parents. She refers to Astrid as being “imprisoned” in foster care, although Astrid seems to have the potential to thrive there. She refers to Astrid’s foster parents as “the enemy.” Astrid’s foster homes are also troubled; one foster father kisses her. A foster mother commits suicide. A family openly discusses “sending her back.” Astrid experiences violence in the group home, but also finds a true, faithful friend. In a more unrealistic scene, a foster mother shoots Astrid.

Weaknesses

The film leans towards vilifying Astrid’s mother; she seems truly unstable and sociopathic. Also – one untrustworthy character says that families don’t adopt teenagers without ulterior motives – in the context of the film, it’s unclear whether the statement is intended to be received as true.

 

Recommendations

This could be a powerful film for teenagers and young adults who have been through multiple foster care placements.

Questions for Discussion after the movie

What do you remember about each of the places you’ve lived? What would you put in a suitcase to represent them?

What part of Astrid’s relationship with her mother seemed realistic or unrealistic?

How has your identity developed and changed over the last few years?

Like this post? Like us on Facebook.  You might also like

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What to Expect if you Foster-Adopt

Aging Out of Foster Care

12 Things You Can Do to Make Sure Your Adoption is Ethical

Adoption Movie Guide: Star Trek Into Darkness

In the most recent installation in the Star Trek franchise, the new renditions of the Original Series crew (Kirk, Spock, Scotty, McCoy, Sulu, Uhura, Checkov and others), revisit some old faces, and some universal themes. Kirk has lost a dear friend due to a villain’s actions, and has his mind set on revenge. But teens in adoptive or foster homes might connect most with Spock. Spock’s seeming lack of emotions causes strife in some of his close personal relationships - but it's not that Spock exactly lacks emotions... he just wants to lack them. And, of course, an old villain returns intent on wiping humanity out of the universe.

How is This Relevant to Adoption?

Kirk has a strong mentor in Admiral Pike.

Some kids who have experienced adoption or foster care may resonate with Spock’s desire (and choice) to not feel loss (or fear, confusion, and anger), again.

Strong Points

A young Captain Kirk makes a bold decision to break a main law in order to save a crewmember. Although he is demoted for his action (or perhaps, rather, for lying about it), a trusted mentor comes alongside him with encouragement and grace, “I believe in you. If anyone deserves a second chance, it’s James Kirk.”

Spock’s highly rational thinking provides for some amusing and insightful dialogue. When one character, frustrated with argument, insults him, Spock responds, “Reverting to name calling suggests you’re defensive, which suggests you see the validity of my point.”

Kirk shows admirable loyalty to his crew, and demonstrates his willingness to sacrifice his good for theirs.

Spock is given the opportunity to gain insight from an older version of himself. It grasps the imagination – what would you ask of an older you? What insight would you hope for?

Spock is accused of being emotionless. He isn’t. He explains that at a difficult point in his life, he felt fear, confusion, and anger, and decided not to feel that way again. He explains that, when faced with loss, “I care, but choose not to feel.” Spock acknowledges that, in spite of his choice – he sometimes fails and does feel painful emotions. Many kids will relate to Spock’s desire not to feel, as well as his inability to fulfill that desire. 

Weak Points

There’s a lot of violence in the film. Two characters watch trusted friends die.

Recommendations

Star Trek Into Darkness has a lot of action for a sci-fi film, and teenagers might buy into it. The ones who’d probably get the most out of it are those who’d connect with Spock – they’ve gone through pain, and try and fail to keep their emotions hidden, even from themselves. This could be a good family movie night for families with teenagers – teenagers might find comfort in seeing a competent adult explaining why he tries to control his emotions, and admitting that he can’t always do it.

Questions for Discussion After the Film

What would you ask a future version of yourself?

What advice would you give a younger version of yourself?

Is there a difference between “caring” and “feeling?” 

An Interview with Bryan and Angela Tucker of CLOSURE

I recently reviewed the documentary, CLOSURE, which covers Angela Tucker’s journey to find her birthmother. This week, Angela and her husband, filmmaker Bryan Tucker, joined Adoption at the Movies to share about the search, the film-making, and what it’s meant in their lives. If you want to see the film, you can access it throughtheir Kickstarter page, through June 3. Also, keep an eye open for a CLOSURE giveaway on this site in the coming months. This is Adoption at the Movies' third filmmaker/author interview, following interviews with Instant Mom author Nia Vardalos and CAMP filmmaker Jacob Roebuck 

I recently reviewed the documentary, CLOSURE, which covers 26-year-old transracial adoptee Angela Tucker’s journey to find her birthmother. This week, Angela and her husband, filmmaker Bryan Tucker, joined Adoption at the Movies to share about the search, the filmmaking, and what it’s meant in their lives. If you want to see the film, you can access it through their Kickstarter page, through June 3. Also, keep an eye open for a CLOSURE giveaway on this site in the coming months.

Addison: In some of the materials that Bryan provided, it said that the desire to search for your birth family has always been in you. What were the feelings like as a kid, Angela, and how did you actually make the jump to say, “I’ve wanted to search for a long time, but now I’m going to do it?”

Angela: I’m a pretty inquisitive, curious person by nature, curious about all things in general, and so I think naturally this was a part of it. I was always teased by the idea that I could have my original birth certificate when I was 21. That always felt like a lure – you know, OK, I’m going to get that some day – and I tried to get that, and was not successful, so I was just on the hunt.

Addison: Your family in the film shared some of their feelings and worries that they had when you started to be looking in earnest. With you having been talking about it and joking about it your whole life, what was your experience of your family as you started your search.

Angela: I don’t think that they ever thought it would go anywhere because we didn’t have enough information, or maybe they weren’t really realizing the deep need for me to find them.

Addison: It was really impressive, that when you went to find your birth family for the first time, you went with your whole family.

Angela: Yeah, I’m so glad I did. I don’t know how I would have done it without them. Otherwise it would have been really scary. I hear adoptive families talk like that – “We’ll let the child find their birth family some day, on their own,” but that sounds awful. I enjoyed having a safety net.

Addison: Bryan, as a person grafted into Angela’s family over the last few years, what was it like for you to go on this journey with her?

Bryan: Our first trip to Chattanooga was really exciting because of all the clues we had about who her birthfather was. We were excited to meet this guy, regardless of what happened. It was adventurous. Once I was there in the moment, and we met him, and he confirmed, “Yeah, I know your birthmother, I kind of had a relationship with her,” it started to feel like, “Oh my God – is this guy her dad?” Then it started to really sink in to me – what this meant to Angela – how incredible it was that she’s wondered about this guy and who her birthmother is, over all these years – and I was there with them. That was a privilege I hadn’t really prepared myself for.  Even though in our dating relationship and our early years of marriage, I did help her search, brainstorm, and talk about “what if’s,” but being there was a whole different thing.

Addison:  It was her birthfather’s mom that you met first of all. What was it like to meet her, and then to meet her birthfather, Sandy?

Angela: I remember seeing their last name, “Bell” on the callbox. So I called it, and then this woman answered, and I was kind of confused because it wasn’t a male voice. But I thought, “OK, I’m just going to go in anyway, because their last name is Bell and maybe they know my birthdad anyway.” So I went in to this woman’s apartment and she answered the door and I immediately noticed that we have exactly the same skin tone. I’ve never seen anyone whose skin tone matched mine so closely. I explained who I was and what I was looking for, and she confirmed that Sandy was her son, and I was very excited. But her next sentence was that he was sterile and could not have children. I left, and went outside. Sandy passed by on his bike, so we flagged him down to talk with him, and noticed that we looked exactly alike. I was so overwhelmed, I’m not sure if I even remember what was said.

Addison: You mentioned in this interview, and in the film – grandmother had the same skin tone as me, Sandy said he looks exactly like me. Sometimes, adopting parents talk about being colorblind or not seeing nationality, and are proud of it – but for you, seeing the physical connection seemed pretty powerful.

Angela: It was very powerful. I had wanted that for so long. And I think I had pretended – or just listened to what everyone else had told me my whole life – you know, people asking if my African-American (adopted) siblings and I were related because, you know, ‘all Black people look alike,’ so it was incredible to meet people who actually have the same skin tone as me.

Addison: Bryan, you said a bit about how this was a real privilege for you, to meet Sandy. How was meeting Angela’s birthmother Deborah for the first time, for you?

Bryan: I don’t think I officially shook her hand or said hi the first time we met her. I kind of stood back with the camera, and Angela had told me that if I could get a few pictures, that would be great, because we might not ever get this moment again. So like you saw in the film, I stood back, and eventually turned off the camera because Deborah saw I was taking pictures, and I didn’t want to be weird about that. Shortly after we met her and she said, “No, I’m not the birthmother,” We all got in the care and left. Our interaction with Deborah probably lasted like, two minutes. Angela believed that Deborah was not her birthmother, because she said so – and we were all like, “No, it was her. It was totally her.” And Angela didn’t believe us because she was so in that moment. But we all could see – we had some particulars about Deborah on her birth record – that Deborah was 4’11”, and had gray streaks in her hair – and here’s this short woman with gray hair, and we’re like, “Yeah, it’s her!” It was hard for me to see Angela with this slowly sinking in – that she had met this woman that she had fantasized about all her life, and that the woman didn’t want to have any kind of interaction with her.

Addison: For a lot of adoptees, one of the big fears is that they’ll search, find the person, and then be rejected. Sometimes that stops people from searching. And you guys experienced that with Deborah, and yet you were able to come back and give her a second try. How did you heal and recover enough to find the courage to do that?

Angela: I knew that I have birth siblings, so I shifted myself into wanting to know them and birth aunts and uncles that I want to know that would maybe want to know me. So I decided to shift that way. There is pain in being rejected, but I have some empathy to her reaction.

Addison: You did meet some of your birth siblings. And at a meeting at a social service office, you learned there is another one. Since the filming has been completed, how have things gone with that search, and with your other relatives?

Angela: We’re still searching for one of my birth-sisters. We know that she’s in Pennsylvania, but we don’t know anything else. I hope someday, we find her.

Addison: Na-Na always wanted a sister, and was surprised to find out that she had sisters. Sandy always wanted kids, and was surprised to find out that he had one. What is it like to be so long-desired, but unknown?

Angela: Sandy immediately called me his daughter, and was so proud. Part of me can’t realize that that’s me – is he talking about me? For me, the words “sister,” “dad,” “mom,” they’re more verbs – they’re actions. It’s not like they’re nouns.

Bryan: Several of Sandy’s siblings were like, “What if the DNA comes back negative?” They all resoundingly said, “We’re still family even if it comes back negative.” That was kind of shocking for me to hear because in my mind, I’m like, “Well, what makes us family?” But for them, they embraced us so wholeheartedly and so quickly and they just felt so changed by the whole experience that even if the DNA turned out that Angela was not his birth daughter, that they still wanted us in their lives.

Coming Attractions

I'm excited about several of the upcoming posts!

On Memorial Day, Monday May 27, Adoption at the Movies hosts Bryan and Angela Tucker from the CLOSURE documentary for an interview on the search, the film, and the Kickstarter campaign.

National Foster Care Month concludes on Friday May 31 with an Adoption Movie Guide of White Oleander.

Also throughout the next two weeks, look for Adoption Movie Guides of three now-in-theater films: Star Trek Into Darkness, The Great Gatsby, and Epic.

Enjoy Memorial Day weekend. Spend some time together as a family. You know - maybe watch a movie and talk about it. Or just go for walk, enjoying some low-key time together.

See you on Monday!

Aging Out - How Foster Teens Can (and Can't) Make It On Their Own

May is National Foster Care Month.

There are over a half-million kids in foster care. While most of them reunify with their families or are adopted, around 20,000 age out of care each year. Aging Out is the 2004 PBS documentary that tracks the lives of three young adults who have aged out of foster care. It is alternatingly frustrating, inspiring, and heartbreaking. It’s available through Netflix.

David has been in ten families. He struggles with behavioral challenges, and wonders how he can “have feelings about having a family,” because he’s had to do many things on his own. He describes himself as “a true addict.” The film tracks him through several living arrangements. When he is rejected from the military because of psychiatric issues, he is exceptionally frustrated. He makes bad behavioral choices, and his longtime caregiver puts all of his belongings on the curb.

Daniella is 20 and pregnant; she and her 19-year-old boyfriend Veasna are in separate placements. They remain in care because of the financial benefits, but wish to live together. Daniella has moved twelve times in the last four years, and is growing increasingly frustrated with household rules that seem punitive.

Risa is the first in her family to graduate “from high school instead of prison.” She has been with her foster mother, Delores, for two years, and is getting ready to leave for college. Delores is Risa’s tenth foster mother. Risa explains, “I’m sure Delores is proud and everything, but [having your foster mother here] is not your actual mom and dad.” Risa struggles with drug addiction, but also is incredibly hardworking. She eventually has a psychotic breakdown, but Delores is there for her.

Strong Points

This film is emotionally moving. There are many underserved older children and very young adults in foster care. Aging Out captures the frustration that these young people feel – and the frustration that they cause. It portrays dedicated foster providers who refuse to reach a breaking point, some who do reach a breaking point, and some who don’t seem to care. Although it’s nearly ten years old, the problem it addresses is still very current. You can’t watch this film and not be at least challenged to think about helping these kids.

Challenges

Kids probably shouldn’t watch this one. David is kicked out of his home for (seriously) misbehaving. He misses his taxi ride, and so the father figure explodes, putting David’s stuff outside and yelling at him.

David and Risa are both shown using illegal drugs.

The Saddest Part (I’d call this a spoiler if this was a movie review. It’s also traumatic)

The saddest part of the film comes from the epilogue. After her psychotic break, Risa returned to the Los Angeles area. She was found murdered shortly after. It’s heartbreaking. Risa was a likeable, strong, wounded but persevering girl. And she died. The film is dedicated to her memory, with the explanation that it hopes to help make it easier for kids to have successful transitions out of foster care.

More About The Saddest Part. (Research outside of the film.)

But I did some research, and in the years since the film was made, more has come out. Risa was killed by a friend. Risa’s friend killed two people in a gang-related murder, and then killed Risa several days later because he realized that she could be a witness against him. The killer also experienced abuse. He was sentenced to death, and “Aging Out” was shown in court to help the jury decide on the penalty. The filmmakers have made a second film (No Tomorrow) chronicling the life of the killer, as they struggle with his death sentence in the light of his childhood.

Recommendation

Aging Out is a powerful look at a painful situation. Come into it with an open heart, and you’ll leave heartbroken – but perhaps encouraged and emboldened to help fix the problem of underserved youth aging out of foster care.   If you want to learn more, here's a post on whether kids or adults are ever too old for adoption, some insight on what to expect if you foster/adopt, and an interview with actress and author Nia Vardalos sharing her experience on foster care/adoption. 

CLOSURE: A Trans-racial Adoptee's Quest for her Birthmother (Adoption Movie Guide)

Angela entered foster care at a very young age. Doctors cautioned that she had severe physical challenges, and that she might never be able to walk. Angela’s first foster parents gave her physical therapy each day. Eventually, Angela was adopted by a family that had already adopted several other children, many of whom had special needs. Angela defied doctors’ diagnoses by thriving. As Angela entered adulthood, a longstanding curiosity about her birthfamily blossomed into action. With the support of her family and her new husband, Angela used partially-redacted information from her case history to identify a likely candidate for her birthfather. Together with several of her family members, Angela travels from Seattle to Tennessee to meet the man who may be her father.

 

How is This Relevant to Adoption?

CLOSURE is a thoroughly well-rounded exposition on the facts and feelings from all sides of a previously closed adoption.  

Strong Points

CLOSURE is a deep look into an adoptee’s search for her birthfamily, and also provides glances into a range of connected people; many of Angela’s adoptive and birthfamily members share their feelings and explain their actions. The documentary is largely comprised of firsthand footage of meetings, captured by Angela’s husband, Bryan Tucker, and interviews with family members. The interviews feature genuinely honest – and at times difficult – admissions. One family member admits that she underestimated the strength of Angela’s desire to find her birthfamily. Angela’s adoptive mother acknowledged a fear “of being replaced.” Another family member described a desire to protect her parents and a feeling of being insulted by Angela’s need to search. One tearfully asked whether Angela could view her adoptive parents “as enough.” And yet, as challenging as these admissions are, they stand out as strengths because of their honesty and their outcome. Angela’s family decides to fully support her quest. Angela’s mother explained, “finding her birthmom wouldn’t change my status. I became as curious as her.”  Angela’s birthmother explains the difficulty she had in deciding whether to parent Angela, and acknowledges an ever-present sense of pain. In spite of this, she is able to validate the adoption plan as the best choice, in retrospect, and expresses that she now considers Angela’s family to be her family as well. Angela’s birthfather and his family are overjoyed to meet Angela. Adoption often leaves many questions unanswered. CLOSURE is aptly titled – it answers most of them.

Angela and her family face rejection at a few times during their search, but persevere and ultimately have meaningful, positive experiences. Many of her birthfamily members respond with pure joy at meeting her. It’s heartwarming.

Angela’s story – and her explanation of her story – make a strong case for the importance of openness in adoption. Angela’s adoption was initially closed. Her primary sense of family is still with her adoptive family, but she acknowledges how powerful and completing it has been for her to get to know her birthfamily.

Challenges

Angela expresses that, although many of her family’s adoptions were cross-cultural, her family “didn’t talk about mixed race,” because it “didn’t seem to matter.” She expressed that her family “looked at each person as a person.”  Many adoptive families describe themselves as “colorblind.” However, Angela explains that her town was not diverse, and she finds it positive and powerful to connect with people in whom she finds a physical resemblance.

Some viewers might struggle with the description of birthmothers as “heroes” for making adoption plans, but it will likely resonate with most viewers.

Angela’s birthmother initially denies her role in Angela’s life. This could be very challenging to some viewers, and Angela acknowledges how difficult it is for her to be denied; she explains, “I couldn’t quite believe [she] would deny me.” However, Angela and her birthmother eventually meet and develop a relationship, Angela’s birthmother apologizes for denying Angela, and even explains why she initially denied Angela.  

Prior to Angela re-connecting with her birthmother, one of Angela’s birthfamily members explains that Angela’s birthmother “will never be your mother.” Another birthfamily member explains that family is “a bridge” that “goes by blood” and connects people to each other. Both of these sentiments make sense in context, but taken in isolation could challenge some viewers.

How to See the Film / How to Help

CLOSURE is an independently-produced and independently-distributed film that would be able to serve a much broader audience than it will likely reach on its own. You can help. Until June 3, you can access a copy of the film (or even a Skype meeting with Angela and Bryan) through the Closure Kickstarter page in exchange for a donation to help polish up the film. If you’ve got friends in your local theater, you can also work directly with the director to help set up a screening in your town. Email me to get in touch with him.

Recommendations

It’s difficult to imagine a viewer left untouched, unentertained or unchallenged. Foster parents and adoptive parents should watch CLOSURE while thinking about the level of openness that their children are experiencing. The film will be especially challenging – and helpful – to those who are finding the thought of a closed adoption more comfortable. Adoptees watching the film with their families may have lots of questions and thoughts – and that’s a good thing. Foster and adoption agencies will want to use CLOSURE as part of their training curriculum. Those who advocate for adoptee rights will find this to be a powerful film with the potential to be empowering. 

Some other documentaries and mainstream films share similar themes, and might be interesting to watch in conjunction with CLOSURE. Recent mainstream films like Identity Thief  and Rise of the Guardians explore the importance of a person having access to their history. A similar theme is also present in Return of the Jedi. The Canadian documentary The Invisible Red Thread documents an international adoptee's journey to her country of origin. If you're in the mood for a book, The Coffee Can Kid touches on a child's access to some historical information.

Questions for Discussion After the Film

How do you relate to the fears that Angela’s adoptive family had about her seeking out her birthfamily?

When Angela initially met with rejection, she and her family did not give up the search. Would you have encouraged her to give up, or keep going?

How does this film make you feel? Which of your beliefs about adoption has it challenged? Which has it reinforced? 

Check back on Monday, May 27 for an exclusive interview with Bryan and Angela with behind-the-scenes explanations of their journey and their heartfelt hopes for the film!

While you're here, you might want to check out these other Adoption Movie Guides

Disney's The Jungle Book and Cross-Cultural Adoption

“I knew someday that he would have to go back to his own kind.”

Disney’s iconic 1967 kid flick tells the story of Mowgli, a ten-year-old child who has been raised in the jungle (by wolves, but I was trying to avoid the cliché.) The wolf pack has learned that a vicious tiger named Shere Kahn has come to the jungle to kill Mowgli. The pack decides that Mowgli must be taken to a human village. Bagheera, the panther who initially found Mowgli, tries to escort him out of the jungle. Mowgli protests, and attaches himself to Baloo, a carefree bear. Mowgli faces dangers while un(der)supervised by Baloo and Bagheera, but  it’s a Disney and Mowgli comes out OK. He eventually does decide to go to a human village, but not for safekeeping from Shere Kahn.  

How is This Relevant to Adoption?

Bagheera finds the infant Mowgli alone and crying in a basket. Bagheera brings Mowgli to a family of wolves because they’ve just had infants and, he assumes, could make room for one more. In an interesting (and painful, unhelpful) connection to cross-cultural adoption, the jungle community tries to force Mowgli to leave and return to “his own kind.” Mowgli demonstrates indiscriminate attachment; he clings to Bagheera and then Baloo in an effort to achieve stability (Mowgli doesn’t want to leave the jungle.) When they can’t promise it to him, he begins to attach to unsavory characters who promise him that he can stay in the jungle, but who have selfish motives (Kaa, a snake, wants to eat Mowgli. Louie, an ape, wants to use Mowgli to advance his own cause.)

Strong Points

Bagheera and Baloo demonstrate their strong loyalty to Mowgli. They are trying to do what’s best for him, even though it pains them, and they put themselves into harm’s way to protect Mowgli.

Weak Points

Cross-cultural adoptees may struggle with this film. The predominant theme is that Mowgli has to go back “to his own kind.” He eventually does when he is smitten for the first human girl he sees, and wordlessly leaves his jungle guardians. Throughout the film, though, Mowgli tries to attach to anyone who will let him stay. He quickly uses terms like “poppa” and “cousin” in an effort to gain acceptance and permanency, and even declares that he is not a human anymore, but a bear, in an effort to feel solidarity with Baloo. The WHOLE POINT OF THE MOVIE is about the jungle getting rid of Mowgli because he doesn’t fit and he’s dangerous to have around. 

The potential for rejection is present from the beginning of the film: Bagheera confides that, “if I’d known how deeply I was to be involved [in Mowgli’s life, when I saw him in the basket], I would have obeyed my instincts and walked away.” The theme of the film seems to be that people belong with their own kind – the apes are described as “undesirable,” humans aren’t to be in the jungle. When Mowgli does meet a girl, she’s singing about her father “hunting in the forest,” which gives further, unrecognized assent to the fact that the jungle creatures and Mowgli really shouldn’t be friends.

The film directly speaks against cross-cultural adoption. It even uses the word “adopt.” It is so unsubtle that even a pre-schooler will catch it. Bagheera, a wise and caring panther, explains to Baloo, “You can’t adopt Mowgli as your son. Birds of a feather should flock together. You wouldn’t marry a panther, would you?” Baloo protests, “I promised him [that he could stay with me.] I love that kid. I love him like he was my own kid.” But Bagheera responds that, if Baloo loves Mowgli, he must send him away. When Baloo does tell Mowgli that he’s going to send him away, Mowgli runs away.

Some kids may find it scary that Shere Kahn is out to kill Mowgli. Mowgli is kidnapped at one point. A snake nearly eats him. In a frightening scene, Shere Kahn threatens to kill Baloo. They fight. Fire is involved.

This film was made over 45 years ago, and there are some elements which, while accepted then, now seem inaccurate, insensitive, and inappropriate. Bagheera confides that he was certain that the mother wolf would take care of Mowgli “ thanks to maternal instinct,” but that he was “not so sure about the father.” Some viewers have cited the portrayal of Louie and his kingdom as being racially insensitive.

Kaa, the snake, sings a creepy song, encouraging Mowgli to “Trust In Me.” He’s trying to lure Mowgli to his doom. And Kaa is voiced by the same actor who’s most famous for being the voice of Winnie the Pooh. His voice isn’t changed for the role – so for kids who like Winnie the Pooh, this will be really creepy.

Recommendations

There’s so much wrong with The Jungle Book from an adoption perspective, which is sad, because it is a classic film. But kids could have a really hard time with this one. Some animated Disney and Disney-esque films do a better job of handling cross-cultural adoption. Check out Kung Fu Panda, The Tigger Movie, and Tarzan. Here’s my suggestion: the songs are the best part of the movie, and the songs don’t really have anything to do with adoption. Baloo’s rendition of “The Bear Necessities” is a classic. Buy a CD of Disney songs, or a sing-along DVD, but seriously think about skipping the movie itself. 

Questions for Discussion After the Film

Why did Bagheera and Baloo want Mowgli to leave the jungle?

Why did Mowgli want to stay?

If you were one of the jungle animals, what would you have decided about Mowgli?

Adoption Movie Guide: X3

With both sides working for genocide, Magneto leads a group of mutants intent on curing the earth of homo sapiens, and the military intends to use a projectile drug to turn mutants into “normal” humans. Magneto finds Phoenix, the most powerful of mutants, and intends to use her assistance to win the battle; meanwhile, Xavier pleads with Phoenix to control her power rather than be controlled by it.

How is This Relevant to Adoption? 

There are a few adoption-relevant themes throughout the X-Men Movies, which I’ve touched on in reviews for X-Men First Class, X-Men, and X2. One group of people is misunderstood and ostracized by another, larger group of people. In this film, one character is praised for giving people who felt alone, a family.

Strong Points

The eulogy given for one character might resonate with people who were touched by adoption, “When we were afraid, he gave us strength. When we were alone, he gave us a family.”

In previous movies, Wolverine seemed to be a loner. Now he seems to have begun to identify with those that care about him.

Challenges

Magneto distrusts others, but his reasons are understandable. He is a survivor of the Holocaust. Some adoptees – especially those adopted from foster care – may resonate with him as a survivor of atrocities. There is room for discussion here – how can one survive cruelty without becoming cruel?

Adoption Movie Guide: X2

The earth is shared between traditional humans and mutants, who have evolved rapidly and developed distinctive traits and abilities. Each side mistrusts the other, although the mutants are divided into a separatist, elitist faction, led by Magneto, and a group striving for collaboration and unity, led by Xavier. Magneto is kept in a high-security prison but manages to escape. Some humans and some mutants ramp up for war, while others on each side prepare to work for peace.

How is This Relevant to Adoption? 

There are a few adoption-relevant themes throughout the X-Men Movies. One group of people is misunderstood and ostracized by another, larger group of people. Young adoptees may feel ostracized by their friends for being different; older adoptees often feel misunderstood by society, family, and friends.   Wolverine’s ability to rapidly heal might be interesting to some people who’ve experienced trauma. Wolverine also has a self-defense mechanism (claws) which he acknowledges hurts him every time he uses it. Rogue is a teenager who is unable to physically touch another person because she fears she will harm them.  All of the Mutants take on new names.

Strong Points

For those who feel ostracized, the film offers hope that, “We’re not as alone as we think.”

There is a powerful conversation between Nightcrawler and Storm. Nightcrawler explains, “Most people were afraid of me, but I didn’t hate them. I pitied them, because most people will know nothing more than what they see with their own eyes.”  He encourages Storm to not be so angry. Storm replies, “Sometimes anger can help you survive.” Nightcrawler answers, “So can faith.”

"Sometimes faith can help you survive."

Challenges

Magneto is correct that humans distrust mutants, but he chooses to respond with violence.

Weak Points

One character uses involuntary administration of drugs to control others.

One character burns himself with a cigarette. Another character self-mutilates “for each sin.”

One character declares that his son – a mutant – is dead, even though the son is alive. A character betrays his brother to the police.

There is much violence – one character is shot in the head, but survives. A character drowns. A scene of home invasion could be very traumatic to some viewers.

Police are portrayed as villains.

Logan cannot remember how he became Wolverine. Xavier decides not to help him find out, explaining, “Sometimes your mind needs to discover things for itself.”  Later, another character reveals the information for his own purposes. Secrets usually do get broken; it’s best when truth is told by trusted, trustworthy people.  

Recommendations

Kids are likely drawn to superhero movies, but this film has enough violence to give parents some pause about grade school kids watching it. Teenagers will like the film – it’s well done and exciting. There are some troubling scenes, but the affirmation that no one is alone and the conversation between Nightcrawler and Storm are very positive. A parent watching this with a pre-teen or teen could highlight those scenes.

Questions for Discussion after the movie

If you were a mutant, what power would you want?

Do you ever feel alone?    (there are support groups for adopted teens which might be helpful).

Nightcrawler and Storm had an interesting conversation – Storm said anger helps her survive, while Nightcrawler says faith helps him survive. What helps you survive the hard days?


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Adoption Movie Guide: X-Men
Adoption Movie Guide: X-Men: First Class

Adoption Movie Guide: Iron Man 3

SPOILERS AHEAD

The latest in a series of apparent terrorist attacks have wounded a friend of Tony Stark, an inventor who also masquerades as the superhero, Iron Man. While investigating the attacks, Stark learns that he is indirectly responsible for them. A scientist who Stark brushed off years earlier appears to have turned evil. Stark must battle his own anxiety while working to save the world from a dangerous situation.

How is This Relevant to Foster Care / Adoption?

Some children in foster care suffer from PTSD; Stark seems to be suffering from it as well. He has anxiety attacks on-screen, and also explains, “you experience things. They’re over, and you still can’t explain them… I can’t sleep.” Stark has become hypervigilant in the wake of some of his experiences, and experiences nightmares. Stark is frustrated because people keep wanting him to talk about the incidents that traumatized him.

Strong Points

Stark seems to grow less selfish as the film progresses. Another character – James Rhodes – is consistently selfless and heroic.

Stark is ultimately able to walk away from some parts of his life connected to his past trauma.

Challenges

Some viewers might identify with Aldrich Killian – disabled, socially awkward, and abandoned by the more popular Stark. And although Stark takes some responsibility for what he did to Killian, Killian responds by becoming a villain. He kills many people, including some that trust him, and he is ultimately killed.

Weak Points

Stark is helped by Harley, a ten-year-old boy. However, some of their interactions could be very difficult to children dealing with abandonment issues. Harley expresses that his father abandoned the family unexpectedly, six years ago. Stark tells him crassly, “Dads leave all the time. There’s no need to be a pussy about it.” The audience laughed at this line. Later, Harley tries to manipulate Stark into spending time with him, telling Stark, “Admit you need me. We’re connected.” Stark mocks him, and says, “move out of the way or I’m going to run you over.” Harley asks, “So now you’re going to leave me, like my dad.” Stark says, “Yup,” and drives off. Later, he sends gifts to Harley. Even some of Harley’s assistance to Stark seems problematic – he counsels Stark through an anxiety attack. The pattern presented – an absent adult depending on a child for emotional and tangible support, and then making up for it with gifts – isn’t too different from unhealthy patterns that happen in real life. Harley seems perfectly placated by the gifts.

 

As Kristen Howerton noted, Stark seems to primarily viewwomen as potential sexual partners.

Some scenes might be triggering to some viewers: A man spontaneously combusts, a drug seems to turn people violent before killing them, terroristic threats are made, a beloved character is badly injured and Stark examines his body. A terrorist attack is made against Stark’s home. There is considerable gun violence. In one scene, Stark has fights a woman. One character appears to be tortured. One character threatens to commit suicide to save another. A character is unexpectedly shot to death. A character falls into a raging fire.

 

Recommendations

Chances are your kids (especially boys) want to see this one. It’s a superhero movie with explosions, familiar faces, and cool costumes.  And some problems. There are enough potential triggers in this film that parents should probably watch it before their kids do, to pre-screen it. Iron Man 3 is a very entertaining film, but for families with kids who’ve experienced abandonment or trauma, it might be a good one to skip.

I'm also troubled by how Killian turned to evil in the face of cruelty. In X-Men, Magneto does the same thing, but X-Men does a better job of showing that people have an active, important choice in how they respond to the bad things that happen to them.

Questions for Discussion After the Film

Have you ever felt like Tony Stark – something has happened, it’s over, and yet it still keeps you up at night, gives you nightmares, and sticks around in your mind? When do thoughts of it pop up?

Why did Tony Stark “brush off” Aldrich at the New Year’s Eve party? Do you think he would act differently if he had another chance?

How does Harley feel towards Tony? Why? What do you think of how Tony treated Harley?

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Adoption Movie Guide: X-Men

Adoption Movie Guide: X-Men First Class

Adoption Movie Guide: Superman The Movie

Adoption Movie Guide: 42

In the 1946 Major League Baseball season, 400 players filled out the rosters. As in every previous season, all of the players were White. In 1947, Jackie Robinson became the first African American to play in the Major Leagues. The film, 42 (named for his uniform number), begins with Robinson as a standout player in the Negro Leagues. Dodgers executive Branch Rickey is looking to add an African American player to his roster, and he selects Robinson. Robinson faces adversity, hatred, and threats with a quiet, determined courage.

How is This Relevant to Foster Care / Adoption?

When Jackie is assigned to Florida for preseason training, he is unable to stay at the hotel where the players stay, and so he lives with a family that has chosen to open their home to him. Later, threats of violence require him to flee from the home and live elsewhere.

Some viewers (especially those in foster care) may relate to Robinson when he says he doesn’t like needing anyone for anything – and might notice that he fairly quickly accepts help, anyway. It’s an honest tension – in the face of overwhelming difficulties, sometimes we want to prove our strength by being completely self-sufficient. Robinson acknowledges this desire, but still accepts the help that he needs.

Racist baseball personnel and fans want to see the worst in Robinson. He is counseled that, if he responds to cursing with cursing or to violence with violence, people will only focus on his actions, not those that provoked him. One character notes that people see Robinson as bad where they would see a White person as merely spirited. A similar disparity is relevant to foster care. Some folks (including some foster parents, unfortunately) expect the worst from foster kids, and ascribe pathology to foster kids more automatically than they would to other kids. In both cases, prejudice leads to a diagnosis of pathology.

Strong Points

The film is an inspiring, deep, meaningful and sometimes painful look at a life of great courage. 42 doesn’t censor what Robinson experienced. He is called hateful things. We see the toll this takes on him; he goes into a hallway, screams, and shatters his bat against a wall. Branch Rickey tells him that, if he fights back, people will focus on his violence instead of what caused. Robinson asks if Rickey is looking for a player without the guts to fight back; Rickey expresses that he’s looking for a player with the guts to not fight back. Robinson replies, “give me the uniform, and I’ll give you the guts.”

Robinson becomes a father during the film. He expresses that his father left him when he was very young. He promises his baby that he will never leave.

One White player takes a public stand against racism, explaining that he needs his racist family and friends to know what kind of a person he is.

Adoption Movie Guide: Return of the Jedi

Happy May the Fourth. This is the last in a series of Star Wars adoption movie reviews.  In this sixth film, a rebellion is raging against an evil Emperor, and Luke confronts his father in an attempt to save his from his master, the Emperor.

Here are links in case you want to read the Adoption Movie Guides of the earlier films:   The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revengeof the Sith, A New Hope, and The Empire Strikes Back.

How is This Relevant to Adoption? 

Luke and Leia were both adopted. As is the case in some adoptions, they didn’t know about each other. In this film, though, Luke and Leia learn that they are siblings and (spoiler alert……….) it’s confirmed that Darth Vader is their father. Luke confronts his father because he believes that his father must have some good in him yet. His father believes that it is too late to change, and that his allegiance is inextricably devoted to the Emperor. There is a recurring theme of secrecy – Luke is confronts a mentor who had lied to him about his father. There is also a theme of the importance of genetics – Luke and Leia have both inherited skills and gifts from their father.

 

Strong Points

The film acknowledges the connection between Luke and his father – they can sense each other. Luke holds out faith that his father is still good, deep down, in spite of his actions and in spite of others’ advice to the contrary. In the end, Luke’s faith is justified. Luke and his father are reconciled by the end of the movie. Each saves the other. In a touching scene, Vader asks to see Luke, face to face.  He expresses that Luke has saved him, by helping him turn from evil to good. In his dying words, he tells Luke, “You were right about me. Tell your sister, you were right.”

Luke directly tells Leia, “it won’t be easy for you to hear, but you must. The Force is strong in my family. My father has it. I have it. And my sister has it. Yes, it’s you, Leia.” Leia responds, “I know, somehow, I’ve always known.”

Challenges

When Luke shares the news with Leia that they are siblings, he asks, “Do you remember your mother – your real mother?” “Birth” or “first” mother might have worked better here. Leia only remembers that her mother was “kind, but sad.”

Prior to their reconciliation, Vader acknowledges that he may have to kill Luke. Luke cuts off Vader’s hand in a (bloodless) duel.  

Weak Points

I’m troubled by the advice that the good guys give Luke. Yoda and Obi-Wan (Ben) Kenobi are two Jedi masters, supposedly wise warrior/philosophers. They chose to hide the truth from Luke – and when they are confronted, their answers and advice are troubling and disappointing.

Luke asks Yoda if Darth Vader is his father. Yoda rolls over and says he needs rest. Luke persists, and Yoda acknowledges, “your father he is. Told you, did he?” Luke explains that he has. Yoda replies that it is “unexpected… and unfortunate.” Luke asks, “Unfortunate that I know the truth?” Yoda replies, “No. Unfortunate that you rushed” and that you were “not ready.” And then, Luke apologizes. In essence, Yoda believed that Luke couldn’t yet handle the truth about his father, and so, Luke ends up apologizing for doing wrong, which seems like a type of false guilt that might be unfortunately familiar to adoptees.

 

Yoda advises Luke that if he ever gives into anger, fear, or aggression, they will forever “dominate your destiny.” This seems to imply that people can’t change.

Later, Luke confronts Ben. Luke asks, “Why didn’t you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father.” Ben’s response leaves much to be desidred, “Your father was seduced and became Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true, from a certain point of view.” Luke questions this, and then affirms that there is still good in his father. Ben replies that Vader is twisted and evil. Luke protests, “I can’t kill my own father.” And Ben responds with the chilling line, “Then the Emperor has already won.”

Ben does affirm that Leia is Luke’s sister, but he cautions that Luke’s insight and feelings could serve evil. He encourages him to “bury your feelings deep down.”

 Some scenes might be frightening to young viewers – there are threats of peril and laser-based sci-fi violence.

Recommendations

Return of the Jedi is a satisfying conclusion to the six-film series. If you watch only the middle films, Anakin seems inescapably evil, but the series taken in as a whole shows that he is a person with loves and passions who made a series of understandable but damaging and wrong choices. He could not care for his children, but remained, at his essence, a good person – or at the very least, a person who was not wholly evil. Luke’s faith in his father’s innate goodness is affirmed. This could be a powerful film for adopted viewers and their families. The deeper message about Vader’s goodness might be most helpful to viewers who have reached the mid-teenage years. The movie can be used to illustrate that – just because your birthparent has done wrong things – they aren’t a bad person, and neither are you.

Questions for Discussion after the movie

Was Luke right? Did Vader still have good in him?

How do you separate what a person has done from whether they are good? The Emperor and Vader both did horrible things – what made them different?

How did Leia feel when she learned that Luke was her brother?

How do you think Luke felt when he asked Ben why he had been lied to?

Have you ever been lied to about your adoption?

Is there anyone that you think still has good in them, even if other people seem to think otherwise?