Tuesday, January 21, 2014
The Blind Side Adoption Movie Guide
Michael Oher is a teenager without a home. He has a good
heart, but his family is undependable and his neighborhood is unsafe. He
catches the eye of the Tuohy family – they take Michael under their wing,
provide him with shelter, clothes, and love. He fits well in their family.
Encouraged and supported by the Tuohys, Michael begins playing football at the
school and quickly excels. When he is recruited by colleges, an NCAA
representative finds it suspicious that Michael has chosen to attend the school
preferred by the Tuohys. The agent raises the question – why would the Tuohys have
cared so much for Michael unless they were doing so to influence his decision.
This shakes Michael’s world – because he had come to depend on them.
How is This Relevant
to Adoption or Foster Care?
Like many
older teens in governmental care, Michael has a hard time finding a place to
call home. He has overheard people not wanting him. He questions the motivations
of those who do want to help him. But he is a valuable person with gifts and
talents who is able to thrive, once placed in a supportive and stable
environment. Maslow said something about that…
Strong Points
The
Tuohy family is really excellent. They embrace Michael quickly, and do not
abandon him when difficulties strike. Michael is the driver in an accident that
injures the family’s young son, but they embrace Michael and show they care for
him. Mrs. Tuohy’s friends openly, consistently disagree with her decision to
embrace Michael as part of her family, so she challenges them overtly, “I don’t
need you to approve my choices, but I need you to respect them. I can leave if
you don’t.” She advocates for him in
school. She quickly includes him in a family Christmas card. The Tuohys also
try to learn about Michael – Mrs. Tuohy asks him to share everything about him
that she should know. Sean, the youngest child in the family, introduces
Michael as “my big brother.”
Mrs.
Tuohy does a great job of reframing her experience of parenting a teenager. One
friend commends her, “You’re doing so great, changing that boy’s life.” She
responds, “No; he’s changing mine.”
Michael
highlights the importance of identity. He asks for help getting a driver’s
license. Mrs. Tuohy asks why, and he says that he wants “something to carry with
my name on it.”
Social
workers are challenged when they suggest transferring parental rights of
Michael to Mrs. Tuohy. She is galled that they would “give him away without
even asking his mother.”
When
he is asked whether he wants to be part of the family, Michael explains, “I
kind of thought I already was.”
Michael
is able to openly communicate his fears (even about the Tuohys) to Mrs. Tuohy.
Challenges
Mrs.
Tuohy is a bit pushy, and kind of forces her help on Michael. She eventually
does ask him what he wants.
The
family faces some uncomfortable but realistic race-centered stereotypical and
prejudiced comments from their friends. People adopting cross-culturally should
unfortunately be prepared for negative comments from some folks. Mrs. Tuohy’s
response to the commenter was simply, “Shame on you.”
Most
of his file has been lost by the social service agency that had handled his
case. Michael is not able to get his birth certificate, but the Tuohys promise
to help fix the situation. Their attention to his needs is great, but when he
graduates, they use a generic photo in place of his missing baby photo.
Weak Points
The
portrayal of Michael’s community and birth mother is pretty negative, and could
unintentionally play into the stereotypes that the film overtly tries to counter.
Recommendations
The
Blind Side is a positive movie. It enjoyed success in the box office, and it
deserved it. Well-acted, with lots of positive stuff to love. This one is good
for ages 10 and up, with the caveat that there are a couple frightening scenes
of violence in Michael’s home community.
Questions for Discussion after the movie
What’s the difference between charity and parenting?
When
did Michael become a part of the Tuohy family? Was it in stages or all at once?
A
while back, Lori Holden also reviewed this film. Check out what she said.
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Thanks for posting this one (and the link back to your earlier post). I saw this movie once, and echo all of those observations. I felt she was pushy, but then I realized that a lot of the questions and comments adopting parents (like me and my husband) get ARE really personal and pushy (even though some are well intentioned). (A common one is "Don't you want to have any of 'your own' kids?" - often well intentioned ignorance, but poorly phrased - and occasionally not 'well intentioned' at all.)
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, Julia Roberts ended up doing an international adoption herself later in life. Researching for a role like this must have been offered a great insight that many budding parents don't have access to.