Thursday, January 30, 2014

For the Weekend: 3 Good Movies to Watch with Your Daughters

Inspire your daughter this weekend with one of these three films which feature courageous girls playing central roles. Click the movie titles for the Adoption Movie Guide!

What other films have you enjoyed with a strong girl as a central character? Share your picks in the comments below!



Ages 3-12 Monsters, Inc.







By the way, I just added a way for you to subscribe for free to Adoption at the Movies by email. A new review comes out every Tuesday - make sure to catch them all! Sign up today on the top-left corner of the page!   And if you're new here, check out all of our adoption movie reviews!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Book Review: Lost Daughters - Writing Adoption from a Place of Empowerment and Peace

 Adoption at the Movies takes a break from the cinema this week to visit the bookstore. Amanda H.L. Transue-Woolston (founder of The Lost Daughters and The Declassified Adoptee websites) has just published a meaningful book; I want to share it with you.

Conversation creates understanding. Understanding creates interpersonal health.

Lost Daughters: Writing Adoption from a Place of Empowerment and Peace gathers the well-articulated stories of around two dozen adult women who have been adopted. The stories shared are powerful and painful, open and honest, and realistically complex. No one is standing on a soapbox; these are real, lived experiences that the Lost Daughters continue to process, understand, and share. The book does not tell adoptees or adoptive parents how to feel, it simply believes that “the voices of adult adoptees make adoption better.”

Again… Conversation can bring about understanding. Understanding creates interpersonal health.
That’s why I write Adoption at the Movies. That’s why the Lost Daughters write. That’s why people read stuff like this. We are all taking steps in the right direction in an emotionally loaded situation, forgoing polarizing polemics in favor of insightful, honest, and considered dialogue. And I think this is the road that will lead to healing for those who have been hurt through adoption, and to better experiences for the people yet to be adopted. Adoptees can find healing and community; adoptive parents can make better choices, social workers like me can learn to be more sensitive. This is a good book, and I hope it's joined by many others like it.

As one of the authors writes, “The more we can question, explore and understand the experience, the more opportunity we will have to shape the future of adoption.” Lost Daughters: Writing Adoption from a Place of Empowerment and Peace is an invitation to join in the shaping. 

Lost Daughters can be purchased from Amazon through this link.

By the way, I just added a way for you to subscribe for free to Adoption at the Movies by email. A new review comes out every Tuesday - make sure to catch them all! Sign up today on the top-left corner of the page!   And if you're new here, check out all of our adoption movie reviews!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

The Blind Side Adoption Movie Guide

Michael Oher is a teenager without a home. He has a good heart, but his family is undependable and his neighborhood is unsafe. He catches the eye of the Tuohy family – they take Michael under their wing, provide him with shelter, clothes, and love. He fits well in their family. Encouraged and supported by the Tuohys, Michael begins playing football at the school and quickly excels. When he is recruited by colleges, an NCAA representative finds it suspicious that Michael has chosen to attend the school preferred by the Tuohys. The agent raises the question – why would the Tuohys have cared so much for Michael unless they were doing so to influence his decision. This shakes Michael’s world – because he had come to depend on them.

 


How is This Relevant to Adoption or Foster Care?
Like many older teens in governmental care, Michael has a hard time finding a place to call home. He has overheard people not wanting him. He questions the motivations of those who do want to help him. But he is a valuable person with gifts and talents who is able to thrive, once placed in a supportive and stable environment. Maslow said something about that…

Strong Points
The Tuohy family is really excellent. They embrace Michael quickly, and do not abandon him when difficulties strike. Michael is the driver in an accident that injures the family’s young son, but they embrace Michael and show they care for him. Mrs. Tuohy’s friends openly, consistently disagree with her decision to embrace Michael as part of her family, so she challenges them overtly, “I don’t need you to approve my choices, but I need you to respect them. I can leave if you don’t.”  She advocates for him in school. She quickly includes him in a family Christmas card. The Tuohys also try to learn about Michael – Mrs. Tuohy asks him to share everything about him that she should know. Sean, the youngest child in the family, introduces Michael as “my big brother.”

Mrs. Tuohy does a great job of reframing her experience of parenting a teenager. One friend commends her, “You’re doing so great, changing that boy’s life.” She responds, “No; he’s changing mine.”

Michael highlights the importance of identity. He asks for help getting a driver’s license. Mrs. Tuohy asks why, and he says that he wants “something to carry with my name on it.”

Social workers are challenged when they suggest transferring parental rights of Michael to Mrs. Tuohy. She is galled that they would “give him away without even asking his mother.”

When he is asked whether he wants to be part of the family, Michael explains, “I kind of thought I already was.”

Michael is able to openly communicate his fears (even about the Tuohys) to Mrs. Tuohy.

Challenges

Mrs. Tuohy is a bit pushy, and kind of forces her help on Michael. She eventually does ask him what he wants.

The family faces some uncomfortable but realistic race-centered stereotypical and prejudiced comments from their friends. People adopting cross-culturally should unfortunately be prepared for negative comments from some folks. Mrs. Tuohy’s response to the commenter was simply, “Shame on you.”

Most of his file has been lost by the social service agency that had handled his case. Michael is not able to get his birth certificate, but the Tuohys promise to help fix the situation. Their attention to his needs is great, but when he graduates, they use a generic photo in place of his missing baby photo.

Weak Points

The portrayal of Michael’s community and birth mother is pretty negative, and could unintentionally play into the stereotypes that the film overtly tries to counter.



Recommendations

The Blind Side is a positive movie. It enjoyed success in the box office, and it deserved it. Well-acted, with lots of positive stuff to love. This one is good for ages 10 and up, with the caveat that there are a couple frightening scenes of violence in Michael’s home community.

Questions for Discussion after the movie
What’s the difference between charity and parenting?

When did Michael become a part of the Tuohy family? Was it in stages or all at once?



A while back, Lori Holden also reviewed this film. Check out what she said.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

The Legend of Hercules - Adoption Movie Guide - Birthfathers and Secrecy

Amphitryon is a harsh and brutal tyrant. His wife, Alcmene, has fallen out of love with him, and eventually grows disenchanted with their son, Iphicles. She goes to the temple of her goddess, Hera, and begs that Amphitryon’s tyranny comes to an end. She begs that the son who inherits the throne not be the son of Amphitryon. Hera speaks through a possessed temple attendant, and agrees that, for the sake of peace, Alcmene may conceive the son of Zeus, Hera’s husband and Alcmene’s god. Later, Amphitryon walks into Alcmene’s bedroom while she is, um, making babies with the invisible Zeus. Amphitryon is enraged; he believes Alcmene is with another lover, but is unable to find the culprit. Nine months later, Amphitryon approaches Alcmene and her new infant. He informs her that the infant will be named Alcides and he will never be the equal of Iphicles. After Amphitryon leaves, though, Alcmene whispers to the baby that he has a true name – Hercules.





Hercules and Iphicles grow up together, as rivals. They have feelings for the same princess, however, Iphicles is heir to the throne and because of this he gets what he wants. Hercules gets sent into battle. He is captured, sold into slavery, released through his bravery, captured again, released again, and ultimately reunified with the princess. The film feels kind of like one continuous fight scene.


The Adoption Connection
 
Hercules learns the true identity of his birth father towards the end of the film. He uses that knowledge to call on his birth father for help, and draws strength from his birth father. He uses that strength to kill his adoptive / step-father. For what it’s worth, though, his adoptive / step-father had recently killed his mother.



Strong Points

One character gives Hercules counsel highlighting the importance of self-knowledge, “You must accept who you are – only then can you unlock your potential.” It is important for everyone – perhaps especially for those touched by adoption – to embrace their complex identities. Man of Steel(and some, though not all, of the older Superman movies) capture this quite well. There is strength to be drawn from one’s birth family.


Challenges and Weak Points

One character is advised that his destiny will take him “further from love” than he can imagine.

Hercules and Iphicles have a very negative relationship – Hercules goads Iphicles, and Iphicles eventually works against Hercules.
 
Hercules’ true parentage was a long-kept secret from everyone – Amphitryon, Iphicles, and Hercules himself.

Amphitryon had paid to have Hercules killed.


Recommendation

One reviewer suggested that The Legend of Hercules is aimed at thirteen-year-old boys. I’d maybe expand the age range a bit higher, and say that it’s most likely to appeal to boys between the ages of 13 and 16 or so. Plus anyone who liked Twilight enough to watch something just because it has Kellen Lutz (aka Emmett Cullen) in it. (By the way, I reviewed Twilight on this site, too!)  It is a violent film, and there’s not too much more to it than that. However, for the foster and adoptive teenagers who watch it, issues of parentage might be very interesting. A message they might take from the film is that one’s birth parentage is very important and can be a source of strength – that’s wonderful. But it also seems that the film says, “one’s birth parentage is supremely important, and nothing else is real.” And that could be a damaging thought. Parents’ call on this one – use your knowledge of your child to know whether it will do harm, do good, or just be a relatively mindless fightfest.
 
Questions

How important is it for a person to know their heritage and ancestry?

How much of your identity is drawn from your ancestry, how much is drawn from your childhood, how much is drawn from your adulthood?




Come back every Tuesday morning for a new movie review!


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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Adoption Movie Guide: Lambert the Sheepish Lion

The Adoption at the Movies contest generated lots of movie recommendations. I hadn’t heard of this one before.

Disney Animation Selection Volume II is a collection of several Disney cartoons (I don’t think I noticed Mickey or Minnie in any of them…). Most of the stories seem to be connected to “The Three Little Pigs,” but one of the stories is about Lambert, a lion who was mistakenly delivered to – and subsequently raised by – a sheep. Lambert is teased by the other sheep, and is frustrated by his inability to look, act, or sound like a sheep. However, one day a wolf corners Lambert’s mother. Lambert goes into “Lion Mode” and defends her. In doing so, he wins the esteem of his peers.




The Adoption Connection

A stork drops Lambert off, along with a bunch of baby sheep, into a herd of ewe. The stork tells each baby to pick the mother they like best. Lambert picks last, cuddling up to a ewe who is crying because no baby had picked her. The stork realizes his error and tries to take Lambert away, explaining, “Oh, that’s not a lamb. There must be some mistake.” He checks his list and realizes that Lambert was supposed to be delivered to Mrs. Leo Lion in South Africa. He explains, “I’ll take that viscous little brute and drop him in the jungle.” Lambert’s new mother defends him, and the stork quickly flies away, saying, “Oh, let her have him. I’m only a delivery service.”
Identity issues are prevalent in this film. Lambert wants to be a sheep. The sheep tease him because he looks and sounds different. Lambert hated to admit “that he was yellow through and through” (and not white like a sheep!)

Strong Points

Lambert genuinely struggles to fit in with the sheep. He is mocked and ridiculed, and kids might resonate with this – either from their own experiences or from their own feelings. Here’s what I love about this movie: Lambert becomes part of the flock because he remains a lion. The strength inherent in his unique identity adds significantly to the flock.

Challenges and Weak Points

The circumstances which led Lambert to his mother reflect a negative road to adoption. He was accidentally brought to her, and then left by an uncaring authority figure who views himself as “just a delivery man.” This could be confusing or hurtful to some kids.

Although they eventually change their tune, Lambert’s peers are very cruel to him and mock him. Young children might be hurt or saddened by this, but might not “remember” to feel better when Lambert is accepted. I also struggle with the fact that Lambert’s acceptance is brought about by an act of bravery; I’d rather that he’d have been accepted just on his own merit. I wrote about this a while back in my review of The Hobbit, if you’re interested to read it.

Recommendation

It’s a ten-minute cartoon that you can get on a $5 DVD from Amazon, so it’s not a big investment of time or money. And I think it’s worth the investment. There are some things to process with your kids, but the overall message – though perhaps somewhat flawed – is that Lambert is both part of the sheep flock and a lion. Like Man of Steel, this short film captures the important truth that adoptees can create a holistic identity that incorporates their first family and their adoptive family. Give it a look.

Questions for Discussion

Why did the other sheep tease Lambert so much?

How was Lambert “being a lion” helpful to the flock of sheep?

How do you think kids really get put into families? A stork? Some other way?

Want to watch it now?







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