Nine Thought-Provoking Adoption Movies

Good cinema can bring your thoughts places that you didn’t expect to go. That’s happened to me over the first hundred or so Adoption Movie Guides. Here are some of the films that have been the most thought-provoking for me, personally. I’ve gone ahead and linked the title of each film to its Adoption Movie Guide; feel free to click on over.

Aging Out: This PBS documentary followed the lives of a few teenagers who aged out of foster care. Foster kids are resilient, but they face great challenges if they reach adulthood without finding permanency. Some thrive, others flounder. This was a very good, but very hard, documentary to watch.

Beasts of the Southern Wild: This one made me think a lot about the ethics of imposed help. It also prompted me to write another post, 12 Things You Can Do to Make Sure Your Adoption is Ethical

Delivery Man and Instructions Not Included: Both of these films take interesting explorations of what it takes to make someone a dad.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: I was very impressed at how the Greens processed their infertility.  It actually seems like a good therapeutic intervention.

Superman: the Movie, Superman 2, Superman 2 the Donner Cut, and Man ofSteel: These films feature Superman / Clark Kent / Cal-El – a Kryptonian who was sent as an infant to Earth. I’m struck by how these films take different approaches to the relationship between Superman’s two cultures, and to the decision that his Kryptonian parents made to send him to earth. For what it’s worth, I prefer Superman 2: The Donner Cut and Man of Steel over the first two releases.

Which films have been the most thought-provoking for you? What thoughts did they provoke?    Comment below!

Blended Adoption Movie Review

Jim is a widowed father of three girls. Lauren is a divorced mother of two boys.  When a friend sets them up on a blind date, it’s a disaster. Although Jim and Lauren eventually offer each other some helpful advice, they still don’t like each other. Then, they and their kids are surprised when they end up sharing a vacation to Africa. Will they be able to get along?

 How is this Relevant to Adoption?

Blended is a film about the merging of two families into one. Like in foster care and adoption, the customs, expectations, roles, strengths and weaknesses of two groups of people come together and require growth, grace, and adjustments. Adoptees and children in foster care may also resonate with the situation of having multiple people in the role of “father figure” or “mother figure.” The film illustrates that family boundaries are sometimes fluid, and can survive (and benefit from) change. At the same time, the film shows how children mourn loss of deceased or unavailable parents, and how they struggle to accept new parental figures (one child has drawn a picture of an elephant stepping on her stepmother.)

Strong Points

This is a surprisingly uplifting, funny, and kindhearted film. Jim and Lauren both love their children. They warmly embrace each other’s children, and find fulfillment in their roles as parents.

One of Jim’s daughters uses an “empty chair” technique to talk to and remember her deceased mother. Jim and Lauren both respect her need to do this.

Jim tells his daughter that, before she died, his wife encouraged him to remarry, saying that her heart was big enough to love Jim and his future second wife.

The film shows that children have a wide range of feelings as they struggle to accept new parental figures, and in doing so it normalizes and even smiles at those feelings.

The film shows that, in new family situations, it can be difficult for the parents to figureout what each of their roles are.

One character affirms, “It should be boring how reliable a parent is.”

The film models that children are able to make room in their hearts for an extra person.

Challenges

Lauren’s ex-husband seems to be both pushy and negligent. He is not invested in his children. This could be difficult to see for kids who have experienced similar neglect.

One of Lauren’s sons has terrible tantrums. She responds with grace, but is exhausted. Jim responds with firm redirection. Jim’s response is more effective. It seems like good parenting, but it also might seem to imply that a boy needs a father figure to get him to behave. The child’s response to Jim seems unrealistically quick and compliant. I do value that both responses seem to come from a place of love.

Weak Points

It’s an Adam Sandler movie so there are some immature and insensitive jokes. Topics in this film that get briefly mocked are breast size, lesbians, Greek last names, and special needs.

A tour guide sees a baby pig lying next to two lions. He takes the opportunity to point out that there are blended families in nature. Then, off camera, the lions eat the pig. The tour guide notes, “I may have misinterpreted that situation,” but his tour group is mortified. The situation is played for a quick laugh, but it also may connect with the fears that some children may have, that their new parents are not trustworthy and will hurt them.

Recommendation

I was surprised how much I laughed, and at how much I liked Blended. I think that reaction was shared by other people in the screening as well. While some of the content makes this film more suited to teenagers and adults (and the point-of-view probably makes it mostly appealing to adults), it is warm, happy, uplifting, hopeful, generally honest and positive. I’d suggest this one as a date movie for the parents in your home.

Questions for Discussion after the film

How are families formed? Is it God? Luck? Our own choices?

How is adoption like a blended family? How is it different?

Do you view adoption as the blending of parts of two families, or as the assimilation of one person into a new family, with no regard for their past?

Are your kids able to honestly express their feelings about their experience being part of your family?

X-Men: Days of Future Past Adoption Movie Review

What if you could change your past? In the future, war rages between specially-gifted mutants and the unmutated humans who distrust them. The humans seek to eliminate the mutants, believing that if they do not eliminate them, humankind will be eliminated. The mutants fight back – some fueled by the belief that they are the new evolution of humankind, and some only fighting in defense.  Even in a time of war, there are some who wish and work for peace. One mutant is able to understand when and how the fighting started, and fortunately, another mutant is able to project people through time. Wolverine is charged with travelling through time to convince enemies to work together for peace, and to convince injured parties to not seek revenge. He hasn’t been particularly known for his emotional sensitivity, but he’s the only one who can make the trip.

How is this Relevant to Adoption?

In my previous reviews of X-Men films [Click the title for the review you want: X-Men, X-Men 2: X-Men United; X-Men 3: The Last Stand; X-Men:First Class] I’ve commented that the X-Men have a different life experience than the people around them, that sometimes this creates a divide between them and the people around them, and that they sometimes struggle to deal with the life that has been dealt to them. Some embrace others, some exclude and distrust others. It’s possible that adoptees may relate to these experiences. In X-Men: Days of Future Past, mistrust has grown to catastrophic proportions. The mutants are excluded from society. We’re able to see how, over time, fear and mistrust have spiraled into hatred, broken relationships, and beyond. And then the film asks, “how did this spiral get started, and how could it have been different?” For folks who are angry and hurt by their adoption story, this film might be a chance to reflect on how life could have been different and an invitation to reflect on what might make life better. For adoptees (and first parents, and adoptive parents) in general, the theme of being able to change or influence the past can be fascinating. (That theme is covered in a more directly adoption-related way in Meet the Robinsons).

Strong Points

The film holds out hope that broken relationships can be restored, and that people making poor choices will not necessarily continue in that direction. One character affirms, “Just because someone stumbles and loses their way, it doesn’t mean they’re lost forever.”

The film shows how hate fuels hate.

One character is doubting his abilities, but is told by another, “Your best is enough.”

The film has an empowering message that the future is shapeable.

Weak Points

Some scenes might be triggers for children or teens who were abused or neglected: one character is held to a fire, another is impaled, and there are some detailed scenes of IV drug use.

Recommendation

X-Men: Days of Future Past is probably going to be weekend viewing for most teenage boys (and teenage girls?) this weekend. It’s a large-scale superhero film that might have a slightly darker feel than some of the other X-Men movies. It’s not an adoption movie at all, but there are some questions that you might drop into discussion with your teen after watching the film together, and some questions that you might reflect on, yourself. The film probably isn’t a good fit for kids who are triggered by violence or drug use, and probably isn’t a good fit for kids younger than 9 or 10, also because of the violence.

 

Questions for Discussion after the film

If you could go to your childhood (or early childhood) and give yourself some advice, what would it be?

If you could ask something of your future self, what would you ask?

What change do you wish you could make in the world? What change do you wish you could make in yourself? Are those changes related? Would the change in yourself allow the change you want to make in the world to come from a more genuine place?

What parts of your past do you wish you could rewrite? (Let your kids answer this without fear of judgment!)

Have you ever had to work with people you didn’t get along with, for the good of someone else?

What is the role of hope in your life?

Do you think the future is “set” by fate, or is it something that we can actively shape?

Snoopy Come Home Adoption Movie Review

Snoopy, Charlie Brown, Linus and the gang take an unexpected look at the conflict in loyalty an adoptee may feel between their first and second families, and the grief that each family may feel at the thought of losing the love of one they care about. In the 1972 feature-length film Snoopy, Come Home!, Charlie Brown’s beloved beagle has received a letter from his former owner, Lila. Lila tells Snoopy that she is sick and has been hospitalized for weeks, and she asks Snoopy to come see her. Without explaining himself (he’s a dog and can’t talk…) Snoopy leaves his neighborhood and begins his long journey to Lila. Lila is overjoyed to see Snoopy, and he is very glad to see her. Lila ultimately asks Snoopy to move to live with her again, permanently, and this request causes Snoopy great grief. He wants to be with both Lila and Charlie Brown.

How is this Relevant to Adoption?

There is a surprising amount of powerful grief emotions captured in Snoopy, Come Home! Lila’s theme mourns her loss of Snoopy, “Don’t you remember me? Once I called you my own. Now I’m sad as can be.” Another song asks, “Why can’t we get all the people in the world we really like and just stay together forever? Someone always leaves. I hate goodbyes.” When Snoopy initially leaves, his friends and his family are confused, hurt, and sad. Several of his friends gather and each wonder if some unkindness they have on their conscience may have been responsible for Snoopy leaving. Later, when Snoopy decides to live with Lila he writes more-or-less of a will, leaving his belongings to his old friends, and his friends send him off with a very tearful farewell. When Snoopy finds that he doesn’t ultimately have to choose which family to live with, his relief is immense.

It’s also insightful to watch Charlie Brown’s friends try to help him make sense of Snoopy’s departure. One sits with him trying to figure out what went wrong. Another suggests that Charlie Brown should just get another dog.

Snoopy also has a brief experience that might be reminisicnt of foster care to some kids; he is unexpectedly taken into a new home where he a girl name Clara takes charge of him. He is called a new name and subjected to different rules. Clara is loving, but Snoopy doesn’t feel comfortable there, and he leaves as quickly as he can.

Linus accesses Snoopy’s birth records (more or less) to find out that Snoopy had had a previous family.

Of course, the film is about pet ownership rather than adoption, and the situation is resolved in an unnaturally simple way (Snoopy is torn between both families; he chooses to live with Lila, but in the last five minutes of the movie is relieved to find that her building does not allow dogs rendering him free of the responsibility to choose) but the emotions expressed by Snoopy, his friends, and both of his families seem likely to translate directly into adoption.

Strong Points

It is very apparent that Snoopy is loved and appreciated by both of his families.

When Lila asks Snoopy to live with her forever, it comes from a place of love and she affirms that the choice is ultimately Snoopy’s. No one tries to use guilt to force Snoopy into a decision.

Challenges

The grief emotions in this film are real but are so strong that they might blindside the young children who would probably be drawn to a Peanuts film. The fact that Snoopy has to deal with these strong emotions without being able to speak also reminds me of the conflict that some young (and even some older) children might feel when they’re not yet able to verbalize the complex and powerful and painful emotions that they feel. Although Snoopy is free to choose where to live, he does not have anyone to help him process his decision.

Although Charlie Brown’s friends all try to find their share of the guilt of Snoopy’s departure, the truth is that his leaving had nothing to do with any of them; it was to meet a need, not to punish anyone. This film reminds me, in multiple ways, about the importance of communication.

There are some powerful statements in the film. Linus hypothesizes to Charlie Brown about Snoopy’s absence, “He had tried to forget Lila, but when he heard she was in the hospital he went to see her.” Charlie Brown responds, “I bet he wishes he was still her dog.”

Weak Points

Clara spanks snoopy when she believes he has misbehaved. It seems unexpected, undeserved, and violent.

No one ever suggests that Snoopy can be connected to both Charlie Brown and Lila; he is forced to choose between the two.

One of Charlie Brown’s friends covers her pain with anger, and tells Charlie Brown to “disown that ungrateful dog.” This reminds me of the unhealthy anger or suspicion that some folks feel when adoptees seek out their birth families. I’m grateful that Charlie Brown doesn’t go along with Lucy’s advice.

Linus refers to Snoopy as a “used dog” because he had previously been with another family.

In this film, “goodbyes” are portrayed as forever.

Recommendation

Snoopy, Come Home! has different pacing than most modern kids’ movies. It’s a slow film that stretches a 20- or 30-minute story into an 80-minute film, largely through extended song and dance sequences. I imagine that it will probably bore most children over the age of 8. However, the emotional scenes in the film might be too powerful for the young children likely to be watching it. This film has the potential to open up some serious and powerful discussions, but there might be a mismatch between the level of emotion and content of discussion as opposed to the targeted age group for the film. I’d advise parents to watch the film before showing it to their kids (and I’d caution parents that the film will feel pretty boring most of the time.)

I can also see this film being very painful for first families. Goodbyes in this film seem to be forever, and grief is strong.

Questions for Discussion after the film

Why did Snoopy leave?

Why were his friends so sad?

If Snoopy could have talked (or written a letter), would his choice have been easier or harder?

Why might someone want to live with more than one family?

Do goodbyes always have to be forever?

If you could make life exactly the way you wanted, what would it look like?

Why was Snoopy so happy when Lila’s apartment had a sign up that said “no dogs allowed?”

Do you ever feel like someone wants you to feel a certain way?

Snoopy had very mixed feelings about where to live. Have your feelings ever felt very mixed?

Goals

Affirm that it’s OK for a child to love – and want relationship with – more than one family.

Encourage kids to know that it’s OK to feel however they feel, and it’s OK and safe for them to talk to you about whatever their feelings are – you won’t judge them or be hurt or mad.


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Book Review - Hope's Boy

Andy Bridge lived with his grandmother until his mother reclaimed him, when Andy was kindergarten-aged. He lived with his mother for a couple years, but was taken into foster care around age 6 when she was no longer able to control her mental illnesses. Hope’s Boy is Bridge’s journey into, through, and out of foster care. Hope’s Boy captures an important truth about kids in foster care – and about parents who lose kids to foster care – failures and love are not mutually exclusive. Parents who cannot raise their children still love them, and kids who have been failed, abused or neglected by their parents often still love those parents. Andy Bridge emancipated from foster care, became a lawyer, and now advocates for the rights of children in foster care. Hope’s Boy is an inspiring, challenging look at one kid’s experience in the Los Angeles County foster care system. Perhaps it’s particularly interesting to me because of the work that I do (foster care adoption) and the place I live (Los Angeles county), but I think the book will interest most of the readers of this site.  Recommended for foster parents and prospective foster parents.

I Am Sam Adoption Movie Review

** Lots of spoilers ahead. **

Sam Dawson is a man with mental challenges. He manages to work as a busboy at Starbucks, and finds joy in his life. He is easily taken advantage of. On one occasion, he lets a young woman stay with him. They sleep together, and she gets pregnant. She gives birth, but looks disdainfully at the baby. On the way home from the hospital, she abandons Sam and the baby, and is never heard from again.   Sam raises his daughter, Lucy, on his own with the help of a neighbor. However, Sam’s intellect is equivalent to that of a seven-year-old, and Lucy quickly surpasses him. Lucy and Sam love each other and are happy with each other, but school professionals are concerned that Lucy’s progress is hindered by her desire to protect Sam’s feelings. Sam is eventually arrested for an innocent mistake, but the arrest springs child protective services into action. Lucy is removed from Sam’s custody and placed with a foster family. Sam works to convince the judge that he is a capable father, while Lucy’s foster family desires to adopt her.  

The day before court, the foster family and Sam meet together. They decide to agree that Lucy should live with Sam, and also that the foster family will support Sam.

The Adoption Connection

Much of this story is set in the foster care adoption world. Sam works hard in a confusing and overwhelming system to have the right to see his daughter.

Positive Elements

Sam has a very supportive community. A neighbor teaches him how to care for Lucy, and his friends provide some emotional and tangible support for him. Eventually, even the foster family becomes a strong support.

The foster family decides to support Sam’s desire to have Lucy returned to him, and they agree to be supportive to him in the reunification. This is a best-case scenario for foster care – reunification with ongoing support from a family that has come to love the child. I’ve been able to see this happen before – a foster family that was simultaneously willing to adopt a child placed with them – and also willing to support reunification efforts and provide ongoing support to the reunified family. In one case, a child was adopted by his grandparent; the cheering section at the adoption was comprised of the former foster family, and they went on to be regular babysitters for the child.  I love the collaborative relationship that develops by the end of the film. Even before they decided to support reunification, the foster family had decided to always allow Lucy the ability to see Sam.

Lucy is able to embrace her father’s uniqueness. Sam is able to encourage Lucy to pursue her own uniqueness.

Sam is able to express one of his reasons for wanting to be reunified with Lucy: Long term foster care is a bad idea “because the foster parents don’t know her. I know her. Lucy belongs with me.”

The foster mother acknowledges that Sam loves Lucy.

Challenges

The foster family is portrayed as having an unrealistically high level of power; they are able to choose whether to adopt Lucy or whether to return her to Sam.

The film depicts some very heavily emotional moments that could be difficult for some viewers. Lucy’s detention is very traumatic – she is pulled out of her birthday party. Later, police rip Lucy away from an embrace with Sam.   Sam is reduced to tears in court, and is manipulated into suggesting that he is not a good enough father for Lucy. Lucy is furious at Sam for missing some expected visits.

Weak Points

The film never explores Lucy’s mother, and we never learn how Lucy feels about being abandoned, except that she asks, once, whether her mother will ever come back. Sam does try to find a motherly influence for Lucy.

The reunification is not clearly depicted; After watching the film once, I wasn’t sure whether Lucy actually had been returned to Sam.

Some of the professionals (a social worker and especially a psychologist) are portrayed as crueler than is realistic, but we are able to understand that many of them believe they are acting in the cause of the child’s best interest (see Beasts of the Southern Wild). The court cases are also far more dramatic than most parental rights hearings. Viewers could be confused into thinking that these brutally combatative  court sessions are normal.

The foster parents are pretty oblivious; Lucy runs away from their home on multiple occasions before they begin preventing her escape. Fortunately, she always runs to Sam, and Sam always brings her back.

Recommendations

I Am Sam is powerful and heavy. There’s a lot that I liked about the film. It probably is not a good fit for kids or teens because the film centers. Birthparents may find it affirming to see the positive aspects of Sam’s portrayal – he is positive and loving. Parents who have had children in foster care may find it difficult to watch some of the court proceedings. Some mean things are said.   Adults considering foster care adoption – or other forms of adoption – could use the film as an invitataion to challenge their preconceptions of birth parents.  

Questions for Discussion

What makes someone a parent?

From the point of view of those arguing against reunification, why was reunification undesirable for Lucy?

What did Lucy and Sam want?

What would have been the best outcome for this case?

Adoption in Disney Movies

Adoption themes (especially step-parent adoption themes) show up pretty frequently in Disney movies. Separated from their parents – or in conflict with their parents – children and teens have to grow up and face the world alone – maybe with the help of a romantic interest or a few friends.  Sometimes, Disney stories are pretty problematic from an adoption perspective; other times, there’s a lot of good to celebrate.

While this list is far from comprehensive, here are some Disney films with adoption themes. I’ve gone ahead and linked the titles of the films to the respective Adoption Movie Guide.

Angels in the Outfield – Two boys in foster care strike up a relationship with a baseball coach. Pros: They have become like brothers in foster care, and are adopted together. Cons: The relationship with the coach initially is dependent on what benefits the coach thinks he will get from the boy being around.

Frozen: Two girls – Elsa and Anna – are orphaned. The family has long kept a secret about one of the daughters (it’s not adoption), but the secrecy has driven a wedge between the sisters and has kept them from enjoying each other’s company. This film shows (among other things) how secrecy builds isolation, loneliness, and broken relationships.

The Jungle Book: Mowgli, a human, is being raised by wolves, a panther, and a bear. He is ultimately presented with the opportunity to return to a human village. The film seems to offer its answer to the question – “Where do you belong?”- I think Tarzan and Tarzan 2 might have handled this issue better. More on that in a second.

Meet the Robinsons: Two boys at an orphanage hope to be adopted, but become discouraged when successive potential adoptive parents do not adopt them. One wishes he could go back in time to meet his birth mother. Pros: The boys do ultimately find a sense of belonging and family. It’s a hopeful movie.  Cons: The boy ultimately decides that meeting his birth mother isn’t important, because he has a good family to enjoy from here on out; this is a bit dismissive of the importance that many adoptees place on relationship with ( or in this case, even knowledge of) their birth parents.  Also, adoption is portrayed in a very oversimplified way.

The Odd Life of Timothy Green: Two parents mourn their infertility. They write down the dreams they had had for their child, and plant the box in the ground. Then, through Disney magic, those wishes grow into a boy. The family parents him for a short while, before he more or less magically disappears. They then pursue foster care. Pros: The family does an exemplary job of confronting and mourning their infertility.   The film shows the harm of secrecy.  Cons:  Throughout much of the movie, the parents are the main voice calling for secrecy.

 

Tarzan and Tarzan 2: Like The Jungle Book, a human is raised by jungle animals. Tarzan does a much better job than the Jungle Book at allowing the human

to blend both cultures, rather than forcing him to choose one or the other.

The Tigger Movie: Tigger finally gets around to asking why he’s the only tiger in the Hundred Acre Woods. His friends are unsure of how to respond to him, and they initially get it wrong. Pros: Tigger’s friends embrace him as family, and Tigger accepts them as family. Cons: He never does find the other Tiggers.  On a side note – the Tigger Movie was the first film to really surprise me with its relevance to adoption; it doesn’t present itself as an adoption movie, but is quite applicable. I recommend it.

Well, that makes eight… What Disney films would you like to see reviewed on Adoption at the Movies? Comment below!

May the Fourth Be With You - Star Wars and Adoption

Confession: I watch a lot of science fiction. I debated over whether I watch enough of it to call myself, in this introduction, a "sci-fi geek," and then realized that, the fact that I'm writing a post titled "May the Fourth Be With You" probably answers the question. "May the Fourth" sounds like "May the Force be with you," which was a favorite line from the Star Wars films.

The Star Wars films collectively tell the story of Anakin Skywalker and the children he loses. He reunites with one of them. The series covers his birth, his marriage, the birth of his kids, his anger which drove his children into hiding, his children's upbringing, and eventually reconciliation.

I reviewed all six of the Star Wars films last year, and wanted to share those links with you again.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace 
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Belle Movie Review / Adoption Movie Guide

In 1769 England, Lord Mansfield, the Lord Chief Justice and highest judge in all of England must rule on a case which threatens to disrupt the nation’s vast slave-based economy. Bound by the codes of the aristocracy, Lord Mansfield is also raising two of his nieces, Elizabeth and Dido. Dido’s inclusion in his household has caused a scandal because Dido is the mixed-race daughter of Mansfield’s nephew and a slave. All of England waits as Mansfield prepares to rule on what is legal and on what is right. Throughout the film, Elizabeth and Dido grow from children into young women. Elizabeth is without inheritance; Dido  is thought by some aristocrats to be of undesirable bloodline. Will they be able to accept each other? Each longs for marriage; will they be able to find love despite the judgmental and constricting bonds of their society?

How Does This Relate to Adoption?

Dido’s father and mother were never married; Dido lived with her mother until her mother died. Shortly after her mother’s death, Dido’s father found her and promised, “I am here to take you to a good life.” He brought her to his uncle’s manor before leaving for many years to captain a ship. At his uncle’s manor, he affirmed her as his daughter and asserted that she was born into the right of living there. Although some in the house objected, “She is black,” her father asserts, “She is my blood.” The family’s protestations stop when her father reveals that he has given her his last name. He explains, “I am not ashamed.” Before leaving, Dido’s father tells her, “Know that you are loved, just as I loved your mother.” Dido and Elizabeth are both raised by Lord Mansfield and his family. At one point, Lord Mansfield confesses to his wife that he loves Dido “as though she was created of you and me.”

Positive Points    

Even as he wrestles with the legal issues set before him and struggles with the societal norms imposed on all aristocracy, Lord Mansfield’s love for Dido is obvious. Ultimately, he overrules societal norms and allows Dido to marry a man who respects and embraces all aspects of her identity and Mansfield also condemns the slave traders’ position as both illegal and morally wrong, “Nothing may support slavery. It is not legal, neither is it right. Let justice be done.”

One aristocrat takes a fancy to Dido, saying that he can forgive her bloodline. Dido ultimately rejects him saying that she wants a husband who does not see forgiveness of her heritage as necessary. She does not apologize for her race, heritage, or paternal history. Later, a young man without prospects confesses his love for Dido and affirms that she is beautiful and her mother must also have been beautiful.

Mansfield and another character are committed to justice, and both develop the understanding that some laws are unjust. Mansfield ultimately lives by the motto, “Let justice be done, though the heavens may fall.”

One character honestly states, “The world is a devastating place.”

Challenges

The racism inherent in this society is not difficult to see. One character manhandles Dido. Her family upholds societal customs which do not allow her to eat with the family at dinner parties. The impact of this racism on Dido is evident. In one scene, she stares in a mirror, pulling at her skin.

Dido grew up without knowing her father, save for their several-hour interaction which brought her to the Mansfield estate. As a young woman, she learns of his death, and only comments that she had wished to better know him.

Dido and Elizabeth both go without knowing their fathers. When Elizbaeth’s suitor also abandons her, she asks, “Why do men always leave and never come back?”

Multiracial adoptive families may find the Mansfields’ experience of prejudice familiar. This could be jarring and painful or the opportunity to open conversation about each member of the family’s experience of prejudice. It could also be both, at the same time.

Recommendations

I think I found a gem with this one. Belle is a thoughtful and challenging film that looks at parental, adoptive, and romantic love and the interplay between those loves and societal classism and racism. I found this to be one of the most powerful films I’ve reviewed so far. I give the film a high recommendation for teens and adults.  Please think about seeing it.  Belle opens tomorrow, May 2 in the US and a few weeks later in Europe.

Questions for Discussion

One character remarked, “Society disregards even one of its own when it can.” What is it about human nature that makes us so quick to differentiate and exclude? How have you experienced this in your own life – as the excluded? As the excluder? How can we work against this?

Is it laws or social expectations that most strongly impact how we interact with each other? What changes would you make, if you could? Can you?

Which unjust laws have been overturned? Which still exist? Might the unavailability of original birth records to adoptees be something which is legal but not right? How can we change that law?

You might also like

Adoption Movie Review of Closure

Adoption Movie Review of Beasts of the Southern Wild

Adoption Movie Review of Philomena

Adoption Movie Review of Ernest and Celestine

Book Recommendation: Identical Strangers

Identical twins Paula and Elyse were separated at birth by Louise Wise Services. They were placed in separate adoptive families, and neither family was told that they had adopted a separated twin. In their thirties, Paula and Elyse find out about each other, and find each other.

Identical Strangers is their co-written story. Each woman shares her own perspective -  her thoughts, her wishes, her excitement, her fears, and her ambivalence about their reunification. Paula and Elyse do form a relationship with each other, and then together set out to find more about their shared history, to learn why they were separated, to confront the professionals who caused their separation, and to try to reunify with members of their birthfamily.

Identical Strangers is a generally positive, often thought-provoking, and quite insightful work. Adult adoptees might resonate with the authors’ ambivalent feelings towards adoption (the authors say, basically, “I can’t imagine any other life than the one I have, and at the same time I feel that something wrong happened to me.”)  Prospective adoptive parents could consider the importance of birth family relationships - and especially of birth sibling relationships. 

Side note: I listened to the audiobook version during my commute (to work in a foster care / adoption office). The audiobook is about 8 hours long.