Friday, November 16, 2018
Instant Family Adoption Movie Review
Pete and Ellie have enjoyed their lives as a childless
couple. They develop houses and have freedom that others might envy. Each
believes that the other has no intention to have children, but they have not talked
deeply about it. After a conversation with relatives, Ellie starts thinking
about having children. Pete makes an offhanded joke; he is too old to have an
infant – but if he adopted a five-year-old child it would seem like he started
having children at a reasonable age. Pete gives no further thought to his joke,
but Ellie begins researching adoption, and her heart is touched by the profiles
of children on AdoptUSKids, a website geared towards recruiting adoptive
parents for children waiting in the foster care system. Pete’s heart is also
eventually touched, and Pete and Ellie begin their journey towards certification
as foster-adoptive parents; they ultimately meet Lizzy, Juan and Lita at a
matching event. The film follows them through a very realistic experience of
the California foster and adoption system, through their certification,
matching process, and placement.
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The Adoption
Connection
Filmmaker Sean Anders based this film on his journey through
the foster-adoption system. The challenges, processes, doubts, and joys that Pete,
Ellie, and the children experience are very realistic. The film captures the
foster-adoption experience thoroughly without being exploitative. Pete and
Ellie express the real doubts that many foster-adoptive parents experience; Lizzy,
Juan and Lita encounter and present challenges that are realistic to many
children in foster care. Instant Family is honest without being overanxious.
*Spoilers ahead throughout the rest of the review*
Strong Points
Instant Family accurately, compassionately and optimistically
captures the foster-adoption experience. It will resonate with many that have
adopted from foster care, and will be helpful for those considering adoption
from foster care.
Although Lizzy, Juan and Lita – and Pete and Ellie – all have
mixed feelings at times about the placement, they work through their motivations,
feelings and doubts responsibly, and ultimately finalize their adoption.
Instant Family provides a lighthearted opportunity to
explore and challenge several of the misconceptions that people have about
adoption; the film explores peoples’ fear of adopting teenagers, unrealistic
expectations of adopted children, fear of openness with a child’s birth family.
It also challenges the unfortunate connection that some people make between pet
adoption and the adoption of children. It explores questions of identity (Pete
and Ellie temporarily feel as though they’re “babysitting someone else’s kid.”)
They stand up against the insensitive comments made by their extended family.
They don’t give up when their kids are resistant to bonding. This has the
potential to be such a helpful film. The agency that Pete and Ellie go through is
the real-life agency most closely connected to defining the Seven Core Issues
in Adoption (Grief, Loss, Rejection, Guilt, Identity, Intimacy, Control). The film
is very theoretically sound and healthy in its approach to adoption.
Challenges
When Pete and Ellie express their doubts and fears, they appear
to consider sending Lizzy, Juan and Lita back. Other prospective adoptive
parents talk insensitively about their expectations of the children they hope
to adopt. These are realistic conversations, but would likely be triggering to children
and pre-teens touched by adoption, as well as some teenagers.
Recommendations
As a long-time foster-adoption social worker, I love Instant
Family. I don’t recommend it for kids; I think there’s a lot of material that
could be triggering for children touched by adoption because it’s so real – but
for adoptive parents or people considering adoption, this is a perfect
opportunity to explore many of the real-life aspects of foster care adoption. It’s
funny and entertaining, and has the potential to help prospective adoptive
parents be more thoughtful and better-prepared. Because of this, it can have a
positive impact on kids waiting to be adopted. Instant Family has Adoption at
the Movies’ strong recommendation.
Questions for
Discussion
How did Pete and Ellie end up with three kids? What
challenges did this bring, and how did they overcome the challenges?
How helpful was the support group for Pete and Ellie? How do
you think the support group impacted their parenting?
Which do you think would have been the hardest moment for
Pete and Ellie? How did they remain committed to their kids?
What growth did Pete and Ellie need within themselves to be able
to be the parents that their children needed?
How does Lizzy feel about her birthmother Brenda? How can
Pete and Ellie best honor that moving forward?
What moment most touched your heart?
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