Free Birds Adoption Movie Guide

Reggie the turkey has been skeptical of farmers for a long time. But on the whole farm, Reggie is the only turkey who doesn’t blindly accept the farmers’ corn as a free gift. Because of his eccentricity (and perhaps also because of his scrawniness), Reggie is excluded from his community (see Turbo and Ratatouille). Good fortune finds Reggie, though, and he is selected by the President of the United States to be the pardoned turkey. He enjoys his newfound life of luxury for a short while, but is quickly kidnapped by Jake, who has come to take Reggie to the past in order to stop turkey from becoming a Thanksgiving staple.

The Adoption Connection

There’s no real connection to adoption in Free Birds, but there are themes of the importance of babies; a group of eggs are rescued from disaster by a team made up of some relatives and some non-relatives.

Strong Points

Characters sometimes exemplify courage and determination. One explains, “never give up, ever, no matter what stands in our way.”

Characters do eventually learn the importance of depending on – and being dependable for – others.

Challenges

As a very young bird, Jake’s mother helps him escape from a factory farm. The expectations of the whole clan of birds rest on his shoulders – to build a better future. Jake is heroic, but some kids might resonate too closely with being given adult-sized expectations.

Recommendations

There’s not a lot of meat on these bones (get it… It’s a turkey movie… Oh, never mind…) Free Birds is inoffensive, but it doesn’t really do much in the way of communicating a deeper meaning. I know it’s a kids’ movie, but, the best kids movies often do have some depth. I feel like this one doesn’t. Nothing in it seems likely to be traumatic, though, so if your kids want to watch a turkey-themed movie at Thanksgiving, it’s not a bad choice. But kids any older than 8 or 9 will probably be bored.

Questions for Discussion

 

What would you tell “past you?”

What would you tell “future you?”

Happy Thanksgiving from Adoption at the Movies!

Thor The Dark World Adoption Movie Guide

Loki sits in Asgard, imprisoned for war crimes committed against Earth. This is somewhat awkward, because the king of Asgard – and the one who sentenced Loki to life imprisonment – is Loki’s adoptive father, Odin. Odin and his son, Thor, feel that the universe is safer with Loki contained. Frigga (Odin’s wife, Thor’s mother, and Loki’s adoptive mother), seems to have a more hopeful view of Loki. She visits him in prison, and he loves her.

In a time of great need, Thor releases Loki from prison in order that they can fight together against an ancient evil, returning from days long past. Loki fights alongside Thor and appears to die. But Loki is a master of deception, and he seems to have his heart set on the throne of Asgard.

The Adoption Connection

Loki’s adopted status was a plot point in the first Thor movie, and was played for a joke in an Avengers film. In this film, Loki and Thor wrestle with whether adoption truly makes them brothers.

Strong Points

In spite of all that Loki has done wrong, he still loves Frigga, and Frigga is committed to him.

Thor is persistent in giving Loki “new chances” to be accepted.

Challenges

Thor exhibits decidedly mixed feelings towards Loki. At one point, he tells him that the “glimmer of hope” he had in Loki’s redemption is gone. He threatens to kill Loki. Later, however, Thor is moved by Loki’s apparent selflessness, and promises to rectify Loki’s reputation. Unfortunately, it becomes evident that Loki has tricked Thor.

Weak Points

Thor and Odin seem less than fully-committed to Loki as a member of their family. We are privy to a conversation between Loki and Odin. It’s not pretty. Loki asserts, “the throne is my birthright.” Odin harshly counters, “Your birthright was to die as a child. If I had not taken you in, you wouldn’t be here to argue with me.”  Then Odin sentences Loki to life imprisonment, adding, “You’ll never see (your adoptive mom) again, and (my birthson) will be king (rather than you.)” Thor seems to play the, “I’m mom’s favorite” card against Loki. He tells Loki, “you had mother’s (skills,) but I had her trust.”

 

After being imprisoned, Loki feels disowned and disenchanted. He says that he’s been lied to his whole life. Frigga visits Loki; he declares out of his pain, “Odin is not my father.” Frigga seems to react defensively, “Then am I not your mother?” Loki responds, “you’re not.”

Of all the members of his adoptive family, Loki is closest to his mother, Frigga. Unfortunately, she is killed.

Recommendations

I struggle with Thor. There is definitely some love in the royal family of Asgard, but Loki does seem to get less than his fair share of it, and the film doesn’t really seem to question this. If you see it as a family, be prepared to start some conversations about everyone belonging equally to the family. A recent superhero film that does a better job of handling belonging is Man of Steel.

Questions for After the Movie

 

Frigga asked Loki, “Then am I not your mother?” How would you have answered? Why did Loki answer the way he did?

How is Odin a good father to Loki? How is he not?

What could Thor do to be a better brother to Loki?

How important was it to Loki that he had been lied to? How does the importance of dependability and honesty show up in the real world for kids who have experienced trauma?

Frozen Movie Review (Adoption Movie Guide)

*Some spoilers ahead*

 Elsa and Anna are princesses of Arondale, a peaceful country with at least some of its industry based on the harvesting and sale of ice. Elsa, the older of the two sisters, was born with the magical ability to create winter – frost and snow come forth from her hands at her whim. Anna loves this, and she and Elsa often play together in homemade, magical snow. Elsa’s parents have always been fearful of her power, and one day, Elsa seriously injures Anna. Healers are able to revive Anna, but in order to keep her safe, they make her forget about Elsa’s powers, and warn that Elsa’s powers must always be hidden.

 

Years later, when Elsa inherits the kingdom, she has become distant from Anna – and from everyone else. Although she dutifully tries to hide her magical abilities, her secret gets out. Misunderstood by her subjects, she exiles herself. Anna sets out to bring her back to the kingdom. Meanwhile, hurt by her sister’s longstanding unavailability, Anna also seeks love, and gains the attention of two different men.

The Adoption Connection

Elsa has been told to keep her secret hidden. Secrecy is called for – and practiced – in order to protect Anna, but it causes Anna and Elsa great pain and nearly ends their sisterly relationship which had once been so close. Secrecy in adoption is often practiced with kind but fear-based motives (protect a child from pain), and can end up causing more pain than it prevents.  Age-appropriate honesty is a much healthier solution than secrecy. Secrecy suggests shame, while age-appropriate honesty allows a person to gradually come to acceptance and integration of difficult truths.

Also, the sibling relationship in Frozen reminds me of how central sibling relationships are to kids in foster care. Our spouses often miss the first twenty or so years of our life. Our parents miss the last twenty years or so. Our siblings can be there for the whole ride. It reminds me of how important it is to keep siblings together and (in foster care) how important it is to have families who are willing to take in sibling sets as a whole.

Strong Points

Well-performed Disney songs (Idina Menzel is one of the leads) and lovable characters (including Olaf, a living snowman and Sven, a personable reindeer) make this an endearing, memorable film. The film is visually smooth, and visually beautiful in the same way that Life of Pi is beautiful.

Love wins out over fear.

So many Disney movies have centered on “love at first sight.” Frozen actively challenges that notion, and suggests other, healthier kinds of love.

 

Frozen demonstrates the pain and effects caused by secrecy and fear, and shows that honesty brings healing, and (as my wife phrased it), perfect love can drive away fear.

Sometimes, teenagers look to unhealthy sources to have their needs met when they don’t’ feel that those needs are met by their families. Frozen cautions against impulsivity.

Anna eagerly seeks to reconcile her relationship with Elsa, even after years of pain. Even during the pain, Anna sticks up for her sister, saying “she’s not a monster.”

Challenges

One character observes that Elsa’s power has only gotten into Anna’s head. “The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded.” He wipes memories from Anna’s head in order to save her.

With regard to Elsa’s power, a wise character warns her, there is beauty in it, but also danger. Her parents seem to focus on the danger, though. They hide her away from her community and her sister. Anna, not knowing the reason, begs her, “Come out. It’s like you’ve gone away.” Elsa is also pained by the separation, but is unable to share the reason with Anna, believing that the reason will do her harm. Elsa sings her mantra, “Conceal it, don’t feel it, don’t let it show.” At another point she sings, “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see. Conceal, don’t feel. Put on a show. One wrong move and everyone will know.” It’s a pretty accurate explanation of the shame involved in secrecy. She sings her wish, that we “don’t have to feel the pain of the past anymore.” So is Anna’s explanation, “One day, Elsa just shut me out. I never knew why.” Anna even tells Elsa, “All you know how to do is to shut people out.”  When Elsa’s secret comes out, she embraces her identity, but still feels like this will separate her from everyone else. In a way, this kind of makes me think of how, for a long time, adoption was kept secret. Now we talk about it, but often, the talks are in our angry voices and reflect a sense of dualism – adoption is either all-good or all-bad. The film ultimately finds a balance, and I think the adoption community will to, where people can respect each other and work together cooperatively. (Like Kid President says… It’s OK to disagree, it’s not OK to be mean.) The film resolves the issue positively, but make sure that your kids don’t latch onto these songs instead of the resolution. In a nutshell: You don’t have to hide your identity to be in community, and you don’t have to be in isolation to embrace your true self.

Some children might be taken aback when, early in the film, Elsa’s and Anna’s parents die. The scene is sad, but not shocking.

Recommendations

Yes! Frozen is very well-made. Kids will love it, and even teenagers can get something out of the film, and it will be positive. I love the fact that “love at first sight” is not portrayed as the highest love, and I love that secrecy and fear are overcome by love. Although the main characters are female, boys and girls will both like this one. I’d recommend it for kids up to 14.

Questions for After the Movie

What secrets are you keeping? Why? What are you afraid of?

Why did Elsa keep her secrets? What might have happened had she told them earlier? How would her life have been different?

Is there anything about yourself that you’re scared of? How can you be less afraid?

When in your life has “the truth” chased away fear?

Family Activity

Get a snow cone maker, and use that to make snow. Make a snowman, and use leftover candy corn for the nose. Hey! Your own edible Olaf!

Wrapping Up

Are you new here? Check out our other Adoption Movie Reviews – You might especially like Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2,   Meet the Robinsons,  and  Despicable Me 2.

Want to read more about the history secrecy in adoption? You might like this post:  Adoptions in America: Open or Closed;  and this one:   12 Things You Can Do to Make Sure Your Adoption is Ethical.

-           Addison Cooper, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker and therapist with several years of experience in foster care and adoption. He reviews movies through the lens of adoption at www.adoptionlcsw.com and has also written movie reviews for Adoptive Families, The New Social Worker, and Foster Focus magazines. Follow him on Twitter @AddisonCooper 

7 True Things about Teens in Foster Care

1. Teenagers often age out of foster care without finding a permanent home. This kind of stacks the deck against them. Some of these teens do succeed, but it’s a hard road, and many don’t make it without help.

2. Teens in foster care can – and will – tell you what they want… including an adoptive family.

3. Teenagers in foster care don’t fit the negative stereotypes that circulate about them. The teens in foster care that I’ve met are interesting, resilient, and adaptable.

4. Sometimes, it just takes one person to make a permanent, positive impact in a teen’s life. And teenagers are more important than starfish.

5.  Some prospective adoptive parents decide not to adopt because they are “too old to adopt”… They’re 50 now, and don’t want to be 68 while their kids are still in school. If you adopt a teen at 50, when they graduate, you’ll still be pretty young.

6. Babies are great, but you could make the argument that getting a teen ready for Prom is more fun than changing diapers.

7. You don’t have to wait as long to see who a teen grows up to be.

Adoption Movie Guide: Short Term 12

Grace is a supervisor at Short Term 12, a temporary group home for teenagers. She supervises (and dates) a veteran staff named Mason, and is in the process of training a new staff member named Nate. Grace is unexpectedly forced to confront her own past when a client’s present issues mirror Grace’s unresolved past. Will Grace be able to heal her own wounds, save her client from abuse, and keep her job and personal life in order? It’s a real challenge which she meets with some degree of success.  Short Term 12 is an emotionally gripping, realistic-feeling slice of life in a group home, and while the group home feels a little sanitary at times and a little overly-dramatic at times, the movie excels at capturing the raw feelings – those of the professionals that work with kids who’ve experienced abuse, and those of the kids themselves.

The Adoption Connection

One staff member at Short Term 12 was raised in foster care.

The film’s setting is also very relevant to adoption. I work in foster care adoption, and have known many children who, for one reason or another, are placed in group homes rather than family homes. Sometimes it’s because of a child’s behaviors; other times, it’s because there aren’t enough homes willing to take in a child of a certain age. Group homes are often places of waiting. Like Astrid in White Oleander, many teens are forced to wait in a group home, sometimes for months, other times for years.

A challenge, too, is that kids waiting in group homes might start to “seem” intimidating to foster parents. I’ve recently seen a kid emerge from a group home to thrive in an adoptive family, and I know my experience isn’t unique. Films like Short Term 12 might be helpful to humanize and normalize the kids in group homes, and might encourage some people to consider providing them with permanent homes. I appreciate that the group home portrays the group home staff as caring, but it also acknowledges, “We’re not their parent or therapist; we’re just here to create a safe environment.”  And admittedly, kids need parents. The film also highlights the emotional distress of an 18-year-old who is about to “age out” of the group home. Kids can succeed after aging out (See PBS’s documentary Aging Out), but many find themselves homeless or incarcerated. It might not have been the goal of Short Term 12 – but the film does highlight the need for foster parents willing to love, nurture, and provide permanency for teens.

Strong Points

The film captures powerful emotions. They’re honest. One character raps about being forced by his mother to sell drugs. He laments “living life, not knowing what a normal life is like.” Another writes heart-wrenchingly about an octopus being slowly killed by a shark who pretends to be her friend. It shows the power of creativity, and also conveys the experiences that are very real to some kids. This could encourage some adults to help, and could scare others away.

Even as an adult, Mason considers his former foster parents “Ma” and “Pa.” He honors them on their wedding anniversary by attending a party along with many of their other former foster children, and he notes, “Look at this beautiful family you made. You showed me what it was like to be loved. Everything good in my life is because of you.”

Nate progresses from being uncomfortable around the teens to being comfortable and competent. Prospective foster parents might be encouraged by this – even though teens might seem scary and intimidating, you eventually get used to being around them.

Many characters – staff and youths alike – demonstrate kindness even in the midst of their pain.

Challenges

The group home staff has obvious love for their charges, but sometimes seem too quick to discipline. Behavior modification is sometimes necessary, but sometimes it’s better to figure out the root of the behavior, rather than only trying to fix it. (In the film, group home staff were pretty strict (and ineffective) about the teens not using foul language)  

The film is very evocative of emotion. In general, I think this is a good thing, but it could be too much from some viewers, depending on their history. Some scenes will be too traumatic for some viewers – one character was molested by her father, one character attempts suicide, we learn of one youth’s death, a character is seen engaging in self-harming behavior, and another character shows the scars from her own cutting.

Weak Points

Grace is frustrated when one of her teenagers is released for a visit with a parent who she believes abuses her. In real life, Grace would probably be a mandated reporter, and could have filed a child abuse report. By the way – sometimes, filing a child abuse report is the first step in saving a kid from ongoing abuse (as painful as it is to acknowledge, I have met and worked with several children who were ritualistically tortured. Child abuse hotline calls may have saved those kids’ lives.)

One professional discloses their own abuse history, for the first time ever, to a client. It actually helped build their relationship and helped the adult heal as well – but in real life, it’s not healthy to expect kids to carry adults’ burdens; in fact, many kids in foster care present as parentified and need help learning not to carry adults’ baggage.

Recommendation

The film is better aimed at adults (it is rated “R”); I can imagine many of the scenes and stories being very difficult for kids – and even for adults – who have experienced trauma. But if you think you can handle it, do watch Short Term 12. If you’re considering adoption – let this film be your introduction to the needs of teenagers in foster care. Want information about foster care adoption? The Dave Thomas Foundation is a great place to get started.

  

Questions for Discussion

What makes you want to help kids? What fuels that desire?

Have you ever felt that a professional was making an incorrect judgment about the care of a child in your home? How did you deal with that? What resources do you have that could help you “stand up” for your right to voice your perspective?

How can you be a part of meeting kids’ needs?

Now in Stores: Planes

Planes landed in stores yesterday. Plenty of kids saw it in the theaters (it grossed nearly $200 million), and they'll probably want to see it again. That's probably a good thing.

Planes isn't that unique of a movie. A character is moved from a familiar circumstance into a new circumstance. Trusted heroes turn out to be less than they were imagined to be. And a sympathetic character eventually achieves his dream.

But Planes is special because it handles those common elements. Dusty is placed into a new environment, but learns how to be both true to his roots and thriving in his new circumstance. The fallen hero takes it upon himself to rectify his errors. And Dusty's successes are supported by a community of friends.

Planes is pretty positive! It might be worth getting a head start on your holiday shopping!

Want more info? Click on over to the Adoption Movie Guide of

Planes!

Adoption Movie Guide: Approved for Adoption

Jung wandered the streets of Korea, homeless, young, and alone. He was eventually taken to an orphanage. From there, he was adopted and raised by a Belgian family. Approved for Adoption shares the perspective of a now-grown Jung, looking back at his childhood and adolescence. He struggles with so many real-life adoption issues – belonging in a family, belonging in a culture, exploring other cultures – and he ultimately makes a return visit to Korea (reminiscent of The Invisible Red Thread), and in doing so seems to understand his story even further. Approved for Adoption is an insightful and enlightening exploration of the experience of an adoptee; I’ve worked in adoption for several years, and this film introduced perspective and thoughts that I’d never had before.

Approved for Adoption is screening in theaters throughout the country now, and will be available on DVD this coming Spring. 

The Adoption Connection

Jung was adopted internationally, joining a Belgian family after beginning his life in Korea. Approved for Adoption addresses the adoption process (Jung notes that he easily could have ended up American or Danish), it addresses issues of belonging to a family, and it also presents pictures of Jung’s acceptance into (and lack of acceptance into) both his new and original communities of origin. Approved for Adoption looks beyond Jung’s individual story and also comments on some deep, internal struggles that are shared by many internationally-adopted individuals. Approved for Adoption is powerful and touches on so many aspects of adoption in a relatively short time.

Strong Points

Approved for Adoption is a unique, animated memoir. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a non-fiction, biographical, mostly-animated film before. The medium is engaging, the film is emotionally gripping, and the overall tone of reflection is honest, balanced, and generally positive.

The film is honest, and I think this is an advantage of it being a memoir. Adoption at the Movies is based on the thought that honest discussion is necessary for healthy families, and Approved for Adoption offers so much honesty. Jung is honest about his feelings of belonging – he wonders whether he’ll be accepted by Asians, and also knows that he doesn’t completely fit in as a European. He avoids other international adoptees. He notes that, for his siblings “he was one of them,” but for him, the sense of belonging was “not so simple.” He asks his sister, “Do you think of me as your real brother?” She returns the question, explaining that she sometimes wonders whether he thinks of her as a real sister. This was a new thought for me – the desire for acceptance and inclusion in an adoptive family isn’t only felt by the adoptee and the parents – but by the siblings already in the adoptive family. By the way, Jung answers his sister, “of course you’re my sister.” She replies, “it’s the same for me.” Jung is honest about the lack of information about his birthmother – he wonders about her, dreams about her, and continues processing his feelings towards her. He ultimately decides that he already has a mother, and that he does not wish his birthmother any ill. Jung is honest about his mixed feelings when his family adopts another child. He’s honest about his curiosity – he visits an office to try to find his birthname. He’s honest in his quest to understand the circumstances that led to him needing to be adopted. And he receives honest feedback – his agency tells him what’s in his chart (everyone should have the right to their own story!) – but also admits that the records are not completely dependable. Later, Jung notes that talking about adoption had been a taboo; he recognizes the pain and damage caused by not talking about it. I hope that films like this one lead to more and more open, honest conversations.

Jung’s family loves him. The love is imperfectly shown because it comes from real people, but it’s there.

The film artistically shows the connection between Jung’s experience of insensitivity from adults in Belgium and his nightmarish remembrances of his life before the orphanage.

Jung wonders why he was adopted – I’m not sure if he gets an answer.

Jung notes the importance of having enough to eat (Maslow’s hierarchy of needs suggests that kids do need to have assurance of food and other basic needs before they’ll thrive – read more here).

Jung develops an integrated identity – he is part Asian and part European. He is neither black nor white – he is honey-colored.

Challenges

There are some scenes that could be painful for some viewers: Jung’s adoptive grandmother seems to discount him from the family. Jung’s father beats him. Jung’s mother differentiates between Jung and “her” children. One parent calls Jung a “thief and a liar.”

Jung’s head is shaved as a punishment, and this reminds him of a time when his head was shaved before his adoption. This reminds me that foster/adoptive parents need to be careful when disciplining their children – they could unwittingly trigger memories that they don’t realize are there. There needs to be sensitivity when disciplining a child whose history you don’t fully know.

Some children use racially insensitive terms.

Recommendation

There is some nudity in the film (Jung fantasizes about an attractive teacher), and some potentially frightening depictions of Jung’s imagination/nightmares. The film’s honesty is beautiful and deep, but perhaps too deep for young viewers. Very highly recommended for adults considering adoption – especially international adoption – and for general viewers age 13 and up.

 

Questions for Discussion

What makes someone “feel like” part of a family?

What’s the difference between having a “place in the family” and a “place in the heart?”

Are there any taboo topics in your family? What’s the risk of that? How could they be opened up?

Like "Approved for Adoption"? You might also like:

Closure

The Invisible Red Thread

Meet the Robinsons

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Movie Recommendations for Dealing with Conflict - Lori Holden

The Adoption at the Movies contest generated lots of thoughtful movie recommendations. Adoption author Lori Holden recommended two films that can help youngsters begin to think about seeing things from another’s point-of-view.

From Lori:

Remember when I wrote about the Drama Wheel? The short playwhere one person is the villain, the victim and the hero?

Well, there are other examples, as I’m finding, of stories in which two opposing parties are forced to see from the other’s viewpoint.

Here are two movies my kids have been watching lately. Check out the general theme of…

Seeing a situation from multiple perspectives

Tessa likes Freaky Friday. Mom thinks her teenage daughter is self-centered and incapable of thinking about the people around her. Daughter thinks mom has no idea how difficult it is to be a teenager because the Mom is so wrapped up in her own life. They argue with and rage at each other, missing each other’s point of view because they are so stuck in their own.

Through a magical fortune cookie, one freaky day they trade places. The daughter inhabits the mom’s life and the mom lives the daughter’s. Finally, in walking in the other’s shoes, they each can more fully love, respect, and appreciate the other.

Reed is into Brother Bear. Kenai is mad at a bear he thinks was responsible for the death of his brother, Sitka, so he hunts it down and kills it. But Sitka’s spirit has arranged for Kenai to learn about the connectedness of all life. So through the bear’s death, Kenai becomes a bear.

 

A third brother, Denahi, now hunts the bear for revenge, thinking the bear killed his two brothers. He doesn’t realize that he’s hunting his own brother!

Click on over to read the rest (and see Freaky Friday!) at Lori’s website – Lavender Luz! Stay on the watch for more recommendations and new Adoption Movie Guides over the next weeks!

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and cute pictures J

A Challenging Film

The responses to the Adoption at the Movies contest showed quite a lot of variety. People touched by adoption have a range of experiences, and all voices are valuable. Today, Julie shares about a film that stirs mixed feelings in her. She loves Annie, but is also troubled by it. Julie’s words are challenging, and remind me that grief and loss are real in adoption, and that adoption is not an “automatic” fix for anyone – that in fact, some adoptive families end up being non-nurturing. As a social worker, this highlights to me the importance of educating prospective adoptive parents on being sensitive to the power of loss and the importance of openness, and it also highlights the value of a thorough home-study process. At the same time, I know that many adoptions create environments in which children are nurtured.   What do you take from Julie’s heartfelt words?

Although it's an old movie, Annie is the movie that had the biggest impact on me as a child and as an adoptee. As an infant adopted in the baby scoop era (as I now know it was called) I never knew where I lived before I came to be with my adoptive parents at two months of age.  So, of course I wondered if I had lived in an orphanage like Annie and her friends, and whether a woman like Miss Hannigan took care of me.

And I knew all those Annie songs...all of them by heart.  I especially remember the one called Maybe and dreamed about my biological parents, who they were and if my mother had made me a closet of clothes like it said in the song.

My adoptive parents were very wealthy, much like Daddy Warbucks. I used to wish that the movie ended differently with Annie's parents coming forward and Daddy Warbucks returning to the work he loved.  I was always so sad that Annie's "real" parents had died in that fire. Even then I did not see Daddy Warbucks as a real father.

Annie was a very troubling movie for me as a child (can't you tell!) and at the same time something in me loved it.  Now I just think it would be so interesting if someone remade it with an alternate ending, with Annie's real parents coming back and Daddy Warbucks fighting them for custody of Annie!  I think that would make for a great story (oh, that has already happened with the Copabiancos and Veronica Brown).

I guess this is really not my "favorite" adoption-related movie, but it is the one I remember the most.

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and other good stuff J

The Odd Life of Timothy Green, Faith, Movies, and Infertility

The Adoption at the Movies contest generated many helpful recommendations. Mary Clare Evans is an author and illustrator working on a child’s book about adoption. Look for more on that later. She shared about a film that can help make sense of infertility.

My favorite is "The Odd Life of Timothy Green".  Hands down. It is a fantasy- themed movie, but the emotions surrounding the themes of infertility and adoption are very real. It's a funny, smart and heartfelt look at how adoption changes lives.

Timothy Green hits a personal note with me because my husband and I (like so many others) sat where Jim and Cindy were at the beginning of the movie (we weren't going to be able to conceive a child).  I did not realize it at the time, but what I thought was the worst day of our lives turned out to be the beginning of a chapter that is more wonderful and more amazing than we could have ever imagined. If not for infertility, we would not be the parents of our youngest son whom we adopted as a newborn. And to imagine our lives without this incredible young man would be unthinkable. He is the son we were meant to have. 

The most powerful theme in Timothy Green is the idea that God's plans are better than ours if we only open ourselves to that possibility. He writes straight with a crooked line. Although infertility is deeply painful and doesn't make sense to us, it is a vehicle that opens hearts to adopting, creating a beautiful family that is truly meant to be. The movie doesn't specifically mention God, but the theme is there nonetheless. (Obviously some families adopt for other reasons, but infertility and adoption are often two sides of the same coin).

The humor of Jim and Cindy trying to be the best parents possible and working out their own childhood issues is a secondary theme I think most of us can relate to. We have all been there.  Adoptive parents have all dealt with the Brenda Bests of the world (Cindy's well meaning, but obnoxious sister), those who undermine our families with insensitive and caustic comments. We learn to take these people in stride and try to educate them on what our families are really about. But their remarks are painful and live deep inside us.  Every adoptive parent I know has a litany of ugly things people have said about their children. We all become adoption educators by default. The plus side of positive adoption movies is when the media joins us in portraying what adoption actually is: a healthy, natural and wonderful way to create a family.

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and cute pictures J

Now in Stores: Turbo DVD Release

Turbo will be racing into stores today. Although you might not expect it of a movie about a snail on the NASCAR circuit, it does seem pretty relevant to adoption. After all, Theo finds himself transplanted from the community he has known his whole life into a new, nurturing, but very much different community. He even changes his name. Although the film does rely on magic (more or less) to reacha happy ending, Theo/Turbo's persistent hopefulness is a good trait.

Planning on buying or renting it? Click on over to the Adoption Movie Guide of Turbo for some ideas about things to talk about!

Now in Stores: Man of Steel DVD Release

Superman will be showing up in stores tomorrow, and that's a good thing! Man of Steel corrects some of the adoption-unfriendly elements of earlier Superman movies. Superman's parents Jor-El and Lara are fully considering their son's best interests when they choose not to raise him. Later, Superman is affirmed that he is both a son of Krypton (his home world) and Earth (his new world). This is a rare film - it very nearly directly affirms a positive, integrated identity for adoptees. Definitely worth watching.

Planning on buying or renting it? Click over to the Adoption Movie Guide of Man of Steel for some discussion ideas!

Angela's Story: Foster Care Adoption, Reunification, and Forgiveness

The Adoption at the Movies contest generated some thought-provoking responses. One very gripping response was from Angela. She shared her own life story: her entry into foster care, her adoption, her adjustment after adoption, and her search for her birthfamily. Angela gave permission for her story to be shared here.

                                                                                                                                 

I want to share a story of a little girl who was born addicted to drugs and alcohol.  Her story takes place in 1976 in Oklahoma City.    She was born in the back of an ambulance and went through a month of drug detox.  During her detox her mom came to see her very infrequently.  Six months later Child Protective Services were called out to the child’s home.  The investigators found four little kids living in substandard conditions. The investigators found that the two younger children were being medically neglected. The little girl had sores all over her mouth and chin and neck. She had been drinking a bottle of formula mixed with alcohol (her mother had said it was the only way to get her to stop crying.)  The children were taken into protective custody. 

All four children were placed into separate foster homes. The mother was told that, in order to get her children back, she needed to find employment, get sufficient housing, and enter a drug counseling program. Eventually, the grandmother got custody of the two older kids; however, the two younger kids stayed in foster care.  An aunt had tried to get custody of all of the children, but a judge had found her house to be too small.  The kids stayed separated.

During this whole time the mother visited only infrequently.  It seemed to the little girl that her mother found drugs to be more important than her children. The mother relinquished her parental rights. The two older children stayed with their grandmother, but the two younger children – still in separate foster homes – became wards of the State.

The little girl went through a series of foster homes. She was shy, but had temper tantrums. She didn’t like strangers. She didn’t like her schedule being messed up. She showed delays in her gross motor skills and had physical challenges.  And she was still a few months shy of her third birthday.

At the age of 2 ½, she got her “Forever” home.  Her new parents had only a day’s notice to pick her up, and she arrived with nothing more than her clothes, shoes, and a small teddy bear. She had a hard time adjusting to the new home; for two weeks, she would only sit silently in a corner. She was compliant, though, and would do whatever was asked of her. 

Some onlookers would say at this point, “She has a new family and all of her problems are over.  She has a happy ending. She has a good life now.”  But for a Foster Child, even after getting taken out of their bad situation they still have a lot go to through. Some will go through it for the rest of their life.  It defines them. 

This little girl’s story was not over. She still had challenges to overcome.

The family who had adopted her was a Pastor's family.  They moved every few years from church to church.  She didn't like change, yet she had change all the time.  That was very hard on her.  She heard painful questions with each move:

"You don't look like your parents?"

                      "OH,You are adopted? Why didn't your mom want you?"

She didn't know why. 

She didn't understand going to the nursery as a little kid was just normal.  She wasn't sure if her mommy was coming back to get her or if someone else was going to be picking her up. 

Don't get me wrong - she was well-loved and well taken care of, and she knew it.  She loved her Forever Family.  Yet she wondered about her mom. She wondered if she had any brothers and sisters out there that looked like her. She thought of her mom on her birthday and every Mother's Day. 

When she reached adulthood, she decided to look for her mom. She knew her mom's name but it was a common one. She wasn’t  sure how to find her, so she gave up. 

Then one day, God lead a lady into her life who could help her.  By the end of the day, she had found both of her parents and all but one of her siblings!  It was totally overwhelming!  The only one not found is her brother who was adopted from foster care.  She also never got to meet her mom. Her mom had passed away a few years ago.

I am sure you are wondering where this girl is today. Well, I am this little girl.  When I was little I used to ask God "why me".  I never understood why couldn't just live a normal life. I have been through a lot.  And in the last year I have learned why.  I feel what other foster kids are going through.  To help people understand what a foster kid is feeling, I have held started a ministry in my church called Abe & Sarah's Kids.  We want to eliminate the use of plastic trash bags as suitcases for these kids and to provide essentials for those who come with nothing.

Oh, by the way, my favorite movie is October Baby. The part about forgiveness hits me every time. I had never thought of forgiving my birth mom.

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and cute pictures J

Adoption Movie Guide: We're The Millers

David Clark is a small-time drug dealer, but he finds himself in deeper than he meant to be when he is robbed before he can turn over money to Brad. To let him off the hook, Brad insists that David travel to Mexico and return carrying smuggled drugs. David decides to surround himself with three other people, posing as a family, in the hopes that doing so will make him less suspicious to customs dealers. While David does evade customs, he doesn’t evade the scorn of a Mexican drug lord, who sets off in pursuit of David and his pseudo-family.

The Adoption Connection

The “Miller family” is a collection of four people who are brought together by circumstance. They are not related, but they do develop some sense of family. Both of the teenagers that travel with David are looking for some sense of family (one has been abandoned, the other has run away) and more-or-less find it.

Strong Points

David has some virtues – he tries to break up a fight, and he asserts that he will not sell drugs to kids.

There are moments where David or his pretend-wife Rose make choices to benefit the teens travelling with them

One character notes that she was starting to value the sense of family that had been created, but when it seems to break up, she dismisses it as “nothing.” This is a reasonable portrayal of a teen trying to protect themselves from emotional pain caused by failed attempts at “family.” It’s also pretty obvious that the failure was on the part of the adults. This has the potential to be an educational moment for viewers considering foster care; disrupting placements can do a lot of harm to a teen.

 

Challenges and Weak Points

A character tries to disavow membership in the Miller family saying, “We don’t even look alike.” Families don’t have to look alike to be family.

There are some unflattering stereotyped characters.

In one scene, the teenage boy gets kissing lessons from the people posing as his sister and his mother. There are other scenes as well which have the potential to appear incestuous.

Recommendation

Definitely not for kids. For adults, though, the film does offer the opportunity to think about what makes a family, a family.

Questions

Do the Millers become a legitimate family at any point in the film? If so, when – if not, why not?

What makes the legitimacy of an adoptive (or foster) family different than The Millers?

How do we deal with feelings (our own, or others’) that we’re not a real family, even though we have become one?

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and cute pictures J

HBO Documentary "Tales From the Organ Trade"

HBO’s documentary, Tales from the Organ Trade, is a neutral, question-provoking look at the interplay between poverty and wealth, need and opportunity, ethics and law. Specifically, it questions the morality (and then questions those who claim the immorality) of those in poverty who sell their organs, those with financial means in desperate health who buy them, and those medical professionals who participate in the transaction.

The documentary is not gruesome. It is a balanced look at a very challenging subject. I thought that the questions of poverty vs. opportunity might make the film relevant to international adoption, but it’s really not. The questions really don't overlap. It’s still worth watching for the questions it will provoke. It debuts tonight on HBO. 

Adoption Movie Guide: Ender's Game (Expecting Too Much From Kids?)

Earth has been invaded twice by an alien race. Now, believing that the best defense is a good offense, humanity has banded together and sent a fleet of warships to the alien home world. But they need someone to command the troops. An elaborate series of training programs and schools has been created to build up – and whittle down – the youth of the world, with the hopes that it will ultimately result in one very specialized prodigy who will become the commander of the fleet. Andrew Wiggin is in grade school. Throughout his training, he is bullied. He fights back, but only because he wants the bullying to stop. But the ferocity with which he fights back earns the attention of the international military. He travels to space to enroll in the final stages of training for command.

The Adoption Connection

Humanity is fully depending on children to save them. The film shows the damage this causes. Adoption isn’t part of the Ender’s Game story (at least, not in the film), but the film does remind me that some prospective adoptive parents have high expectations that the children they adopt will bring them joy, healing or fulfillment. That’s too much to expect of kids; adoption needs to be about meeting a kid’s need for a family, rather than meeting a family’s need for a child.

 

Ender is taken from his family by government officials. He is only allowed very minimal contact with his sister; otherwise, he has no contact with his family.

Strong Points

Ender is a good kid. He embraces the belief that winning isn’t the only thing that matters – it’s how you win. He acknowledges – and demonstrates – that he would rather understand his attackers and find peace with them, rather than destroy them.

I love the books in the Ender’s Game series. They are stories of insight, introspection and redemption. Ender’s Game is only the first in a series of books which become progressively deeper, but even Ender’s Game does a fine job of creating a believable future universe and showing the inmost thoughts of a conflicted youth. The film doesn’t really capture Ender’s essence, but it does a beautiful job of creating the universe that I’ve loved for so long.

The film revolves around the fact that society has put all of their faith, and all of their expectations, on children. The children are expected to save the world. And it’s so good that the film questions this and shows the way in which society’s expectations hurt Andrew.

Challenges and Weak Points

There is quite a bit of kid-on-kid violence, including one scene where Andrew’s older brother chokes him. This, and the fact that Andrew is separated from his family by government officials, could be difficult for kids who have come through foster care.

Ender does not get to reunify with his family.

 

Recommendation

The film suggests that “being right” doesn’t justify violence. It suggests that we can make amends for things we do that cause pain. It’s a good film, and it’s worth seeing. The real adoption-reflection moments are probably more for adults; as you watch the film and see the International Fleet’s motivation in their work with children, consider the various reasons that people pursue adoption.

Questions

As you pursue adoption, what are your expectations? Are you expecting to meet children’s needs, or are you expecting children to fill holes in your own life? (Wanting to be a parent isn’t bad! In fact, if I was interviewing an adoption applicant who didn’t want to parent, I’d have some serious concerns. But it’s worth examining who you have expectations of – yourself or the child?)

The International Fleet stopped Ender from having communication with his family. Did they actually need to? When you foster or adopt children, will you allow them to have contact with their birthfamily? Why or why not?

New to Adoption at the Movies? Check out the Adoption Movie Guides on the menu bar. Also, like Adoption at the Movies on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter for updates, thoughts, and more.

Thought for the Weekend

You are worth more than you realize. Your value doesn't come from what you have or even from what you do - it comes from who you are.

Seeking Birth Family Members

Some films have focused on the journey of adoptees to reconnect with their first families. I wrote about this for The New Social Worker magazine. 

Some folks connected to adoption assume that contentment should come without seeking—that adoptees won’t wonder about their life before their adoption, and sometimes even giving voice to beliefs that it would be ungrateful for the adoptee to do so.  But contentment without seeking is not more virtuous than contentment after seeking. Every person has the right to their own story.

Read the rest at The New Social Worker  *I repaired the broken link, I think :)